Hello CD8!
Today I start my OPKs! I have one last one left at home and then will have to drive to cross to border and get some more in the US at my mail box where the package is waiting for me along with my PH testers. I was curious as to what my body is sitting at for a PH level so I bought some strips. One thing I recently learnt is that lemons although acidic when eaten are the number one alkaline forming food once ingested. Interesting.
Today we also list the house. AND we got some really GREAT news just before I left on Friday..we are approved for a larger mortgage on just DH's income so even if I get laid off there is no impact on us finding a new home. Hooray! We can finally move on in our life!
The weekend away was awesome. Really relaxed and I got to spend a lot of time with my mom, sister and Aunt. There were a lot of laughs. At one point in time during the seminar I have to admit I burst into tears when the women leading it started talking about how she was going to be a grandma and how she was told and how big the baby is measuring and on and on. I was doing fine until suddenly I was not. And burst into tears in a room of about 75 other women. Awkward. I sure miss the days when I wasn't this emotional.
DH and I are really looking forward to starting the BD again. I cannot believe tomorrow is May 1st!! Yay...May is finally here!! I really hope I have some good news to post on the 19th...which is my POAS day...granted that I ovulate around CD18. The progesterone has been working so far so here is to hoping...and praying..and wishing...!
Monday, 30 April 2012
Friday, 27 April 2012
Waiting Room Woes
Just the sheer thought of a doctors office does not bring joy into my heart. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE my doctor. He is sweet and kind and listens. He actually cares.
Yesterday I went to the doctors office to get more pain medication, update him on my fertility treatments and plans and to do a follow up on the accident I was in. When I first walked in the door that should have been my first clue to run...run very far. The place was packed. And then I find out that their phones and internet was down which meant they had to do everything in writting. When I got there some people had already been waiting an hour and a half. So I sit down and wait...and wait...and WAIT some more. Then when my name is finally called I get walked as far as the hallway and the doctor rushes out of a room and says to call 911. Apparently someone was having a seizure or something while in the room with the doctor and now needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I fianlly get into the doctor, we talk, I get my referrals to a back specialist and pain medication and am on my way...THREE HOURS LATER. By this time I have already had to call and cancel my physio and massage appointments.
You think that is bad...oh wait...I have not even told you the worst part yet. The part where I burst into tears in the waiting room. Yup, totally did.
There was a girl/woman about my age sitting across from me very jittery, etc the whole time. She looked pretty nervous and was with someone who looked to be either family (aunt/older sister) or a friend. She goes in and comes out in tears. Shaking. And then the madness starts. She is standing in the middle of the waiting room crying saying...(wait for it....) "But I don't want a baby! This is awful..why is this happening to ME? This is the worst day of my life." Cue the tears on my part. Inside I am raging. I was very close to hitting her...but that would not have been very nice as she was pregnant...(haha). Here I am...waiting to talk to the doctor about my fertility treatments, the medication I am on for the accident and how I have to make a choice between that or trying, my updates on my cycles, etc and she has the NERVE to say being pregnant constituted the worst day of her life!? Thankfully I did not have to deal with it for very long before the person she was with ushered her out of the clinic. Even so..I think her words will haunt me for some time.
DH ending up coming home late from work and I got through telling him about my day fine until it hit that story and again I was in tears. Sometimes I really feel as if I am being punished...for what..I don't know...but some of the experiences I have had in the last couple months sure are not full of luck. This process is exhuasting and I do not know how much more I can take. I see girls who have been at this a year..two years...three years and then I get REALLY afriad. Please god...do not let that be me. Only time will tell but emotionally I feel like I am running out of that as well...
Hopefully this weekend away will do me some good. Time to relax and laugh and have some fun with my mom and sister (whos birthday is today! Happy birthday sis!). More on that when I get back though. I probably will not be blogging until Monday because of that. Most likely no internet. Until then have a fabulous weekend...and stay away from doctors offices...no good can come of them! lol
Yesterday I went to the doctors office to get more pain medication, update him on my fertility treatments and plans and to do a follow up on the accident I was in. When I first walked in the door that should have been my first clue to run...run very far. The place was packed. And then I find out that their phones and internet was down which meant they had to do everything in writting. When I got there some people had already been waiting an hour and a half. So I sit down and wait...and wait...and WAIT some more. Then when my name is finally called I get walked as far as the hallway and the doctor rushes out of a room and says to call 911. Apparently someone was having a seizure or something while in the room with the doctor and now needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I fianlly get into the doctor, we talk, I get my referrals to a back specialist and pain medication and am on my way...THREE HOURS LATER. By this time I have already had to call and cancel my physio and massage appointments.
You think that is bad...oh wait...I have not even told you the worst part yet. The part where I burst into tears in the waiting room. Yup, totally did.
There was a girl/woman about my age sitting across from me very jittery, etc the whole time. She looked pretty nervous and was with someone who looked to be either family (aunt/older sister) or a friend. She goes in and comes out in tears. Shaking. And then the madness starts. She is standing in the middle of the waiting room crying saying...(wait for it....) "But I don't want a baby! This is awful..why is this happening to ME? This is the worst day of my life." Cue the tears on my part. Inside I am raging. I was very close to hitting her...but that would not have been very nice as she was pregnant...(haha). Here I am...waiting to talk to the doctor about my fertility treatments, the medication I am on for the accident and how I have to make a choice between that or trying, my updates on my cycles, etc and she has the NERVE to say being pregnant constituted the worst day of her life!? Thankfully I did not have to deal with it for very long before the person she was with ushered her out of the clinic. Even so..I think her words will haunt me for some time.
DH ending up coming home late from work and I got through telling him about my day fine until it hit that story and again I was in tears. Sometimes I really feel as if I am being punished...for what..I don't know...but some of the experiences I have had in the last couple months sure are not full of luck. This process is exhuasting and I do not know how much more I can take. I see girls who have been at this a year..two years...three years and then I get REALLY afriad. Please god...do not let that be me. Only time will tell but emotionally I feel like I am running out of that as well...
Hopefully this weekend away will do me some good. Time to relax and laugh and have some fun with my mom and sister (whos birthday is today! Happy birthday sis!). More on that when I get back though. I probably will not be blogging until Monday because of that. Most likely no internet. Until then have a fabulous weekend...and stay away from doctors offices...no good can come of them! lol
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Thursday Thoughts
This by far is the most odd AF since my MC. No cramping, no soreness/tenderness, no boob pain. I am 4 days in and still have not had a heavy flow day. The ONLY thing I have been is teary, lol. Seriously...I think every show I have watched in the last 4 days has made me tear up somehow. Lame.
Today is a busy busy day. I have physio, massage and a doctors appointment...and not to mention I have to start packing for my weekend away with my mom and sister. I ran out of pain killers Tuesday thus the doctors appointment. I cannot believe how much havoc this last car accident has brought on my body. Another thought I had was perhaps because of the pain killers I have not noticed my PMS symptoms. It is possible that is covering some of the major ones up.
I was a little bit bummed yesterday because I had started for applying for jobs and got a call back almost immediately for an interview booked today. Then yesterday I get a call from the company saying due to unforeseen circumstances they had to speed the process up and hired someone on Monday to start the next day and were cancelling my interview. It is not like I am in any hurry..I have not officially gotten a lay off notice but it would have been nice to play with some options.
I discovered yesterday that 3 or more cups of coffee a day start to damage sperm count for men. Not good. So DH and I sat down and had a talk. He works long hours and is up insanely early for work - 3:30AM. He NEEDS his coffee. We struck a little deal though. If he agrees to lower his coffee intake for the purpose of getting pregnant in the next two weeks I will make a valiant effect to ensure we are in bed by 8ishPM. That way he gets more sleep and does not have to rely on coffee. Now...because this is not permanent so I think I can handle two weeks of a toddlers bedtime, lol. Any longer then that and I think I may lose my mind. But marriage is full of compromises right? Especially in game of fertility.
Sometimes I really wonder what I may have to give up in order to hold that baby in my arms...
Today is a busy busy day. I have physio, massage and a doctors appointment...and not to mention I have to start packing for my weekend away with my mom and sister. I ran out of pain killers Tuesday thus the doctors appointment. I cannot believe how much havoc this last car accident has brought on my body. Another thought I had was perhaps because of the pain killers I have not noticed my PMS symptoms. It is possible that is covering some of the major ones up.
I was a little bit bummed yesterday because I had started for applying for jobs and got a call back almost immediately for an interview booked today. Then yesterday I get a call from the company saying due to unforeseen circumstances they had to speed the process up and hired someone on Monday to start the next day and were cancelling my interview. It is not like I am in any hurry..I have not officially gotten a lay off notice but it would have been nice to play with some options.
I discovered yesterday that 3 or more cups of coffee a day start to damage sperm count for men. Not good. So DH and I sat down and had a talk. He works long hours and is up insanely early for work - 3:30AM. He NEEDS his coffee. We struck a little deal though. If he agrees to lower his coffee intake for the purpose of getting pregnant in the next two weeks I will make a valiant effect to ensure we are in bed by 8ishPM. That way he gets more sleep and does not have to rely on coffee. Now...because this is not permanent so I think I can handle two weeks of a toddlers bedtime, lol. Any longer then that and I think I may lose my mind. But marriage is full of compromises right? Especially in game of fertility.
Sometimes I really wonder what I may have to give up in order to hold that baby in my arms...
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Ready
Today I put on the wrong pants. I do not think you understand how big of a statement that is. I put on pants that had been way to snug and I could barely sit in them let alone breath and today...tada...they fit and I didn't even realise it until they were on! lol. Here I am SITTING DOWN at work and I cant believe it. I guess this challenge is really working out for me. Yay!
I had a moment of sadness/guilt the other day. I was talking to a good friend on facebook (one of the ones who is pregnant who I have been avoiding like the plague) and she basically came out and said she has been trying to give me space and she understands but she really misses me. Ugh, I'm a sucky friend. I just...well...it has been hard ok? And to be truthful it will not get easier until I am there. And I am hurt and upset by the fact that I know when I get pregnant again every day will be a struggle not to be thinking about the possibility of a miscarriage. So many people get to go through pregnancy without a care in the world...why could that not have been me? Life goes on but my heart has been left back in time...it is hanging back waiting and I seriously really do feel that hole.
So....is it May yet? DH called me last night and was like "Hey, we can try in like three weeks, right?!" and I was like. "Nope" and he was all sad and then I said, "TWO WEEKS!" lol. So body of mine...have you had enough time to recuperate?! I hope so because we are ready for a baby. Like...really really ready. Like NOW.
Get it? Got it? Good.
I had a moment of sadness/guilt the other day. I was talking to a good friend on facebook (one of the ones who is pregnant who I have been avoiding like the plague) and she basically came out and said she has been trying to give me space and she understands but she really misses me. Ugh, I'm a sucky friend. I just...well...it has been hard ok? And to be truthful it will not get easier until I am there. And I am hurt and upset by the fact that I know when I get pregnant again every day will be a struggle not to be thinking about the possibility of a miscarriage. So many people get to go through pregnancy without a care in the world...why could that not have been me? Life goes on but my heart has been left back in time...it is hanging back waiting and I seriously really do feel that hole.
So....is it May yet? DH called me last night and was like "Hey, we can try in like three weeks, right?!" and I was like. "Nope" and he was all sad and then I said, "TWO WEEKS!" lol. So body of mine...have you had enough time to recuperate?! I hope so because we are ready for a baby. Like...really really ready. Like NOW.
Get it? Got it? Good.
Monday, 23 April 2012
She's Baaaaccckkk!
Here is the truth. I am not totally bummed with getting AF. In fact it is good. I did a half dose of Prometrium Saturday and Sunday and and EXPECTED her to arrive today. I started spotting last night with some lovely cramps so it is really no surprise.
It is actually a good thing that we were not trying last month because the last time I was pregnant about a month in I got into a bad car accident and lost the baby a few weeks after. And now with this second accident that happened two weeks ago I am happy because my body would have AGAIN been so stressed out and in so much pain I do not think I could have emotionally handled another loss on top of that. I still have trouble walking and doing stairs so this all worked out for the better. Now this gives me a couple more weeks for my body to heal and start feeling less pain before it accepts a pregnancy.
I am literally only doing three things this cycle:
1. Prenatals
2. OPKs
3. Progesterone
(4). Pregnancy test
That last one doesn't count but I thought I would add it because you bet your butt I will be pulling those suckers out of the cabinet in three-ish weeks! lol
On the up side...because I am on the layoff list I have been putting my resume out there. I got a call for a job Friday but because I was at work I could not call back. Then by the time I could call back at the end of my work day they were closed. But...they called me again this morning...which I answered at my desk (bad girl) and we will be booking an interview for this week. Yay!
Also I got a job letter and we worked it out with our mortgage broker that we may be able to sign a six month rate approval so even if I get laid off if we sell the house within six months we are all good.
We also had our Realtor over on Sunday and decided we will be putting the house up for sale next Monday. The market is pretty much the same as last year...which is a total bummer but we have to sell this house...it is totally holding us back.
May could not come soon enough...so many possibly life changing events! Exciting!
It is actually a good thing that we were not trying last month because the last time I was pregnant about a month in I got into a bad car accident and lost the baby a few weeks after. And now with this second accident that happened two weeks ago I am happy because my body would have AGAIN been so stressed out and in so much pain I do not think I could have emotionally handled another loss on top of that. I still have trouble walking and doing stairs so this all worked out for the better. Now this gives me a couple more weeks for my body to heal and start feeling less pain before it accepts a pregnancy.
I am literally only doing three things this cycle:
1. Prenatals
2. OPKs
3. Progesterone
(4). Pregnancy test
That last one doesn't count but I thought I would add it because you bet your butt I will be pulling those suckers out of the cabinet in three-ish weeks! lol
On the up side...because I am on the layoff list I have been putting my resume out there. I got a call for a job Friday but because I was at work I could not call back. Then by the time I could call back at the end of my work day they were closed. But...they called me again this morning...which I answered at my desk (bad girl) and we will be booking an interview for this week. Yay!
Also I got a job letter and we worked it out with our mortgage broker that we may be able to sign a six month rate approval so even if I get laid off if we sell the house within six months we are all good.
We also had our Realtor over on Sunday and decided we will be putting the house up for sale next Monday. The market is pretty much the same as last year...which is a total bummer but we have to sell this house...it is totally holding us back.
May could not come soon enough...so many possibly life changing events! Exciting!
Friday, 20 April 2012
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock
It has speed up in a last week or so anticipating the fact that in about two and a half weeks it will be baby making time. The one thing that is frustrating right now is now I am on some pretty heavy pain meds due to the accident. The bummer is I am going to have to stop taking them soon if I want to get pregnant. I guess its sort of like a trade off. Be in pain and possibly get a baby or not be in pain and no baby. I think you can all pretty much assume which one I will be going for. Pain at this time is something I can handle...an empty uterus is not.
At this point I have been advised by my doctor and lawyer to only be working half days or every other day but they are not the ones who are going to pay my mortgage. Regardless of my state of being and pain levels bills still have to be paid. That is just a fact of life. I have been given an estimate of December to when negotiations with ICBC should start. Until then I will be focusing on getting better and hopefully I will be pretty much back to normal by the end of the year. If not..well...we will deal with that when the time comes.
AF is scheduled to arrive on Monday. I am crossing my fingers that I will have an early ovulation again. Hopefully my CD18 OV was not a fluke but a sign of my body actually regulating into some sort of "normal" fertility pattern. I am very thankful that my fertility specialist got me on meds right away and decided not to wait until I had a third MC which is what they normally have to do. (So wrong by the way...I do not agree with a anyone having to go through that THREE TIMES!!)
On to other news...I bought a car yesterday! Woohoo. I now am the proud owner of a Silver 2005 Honda Civic LXG. We bought it off some little old lady who got dementia and had to stop driving. She kept the car in AMAZING condition. I think we lucked out. On the way home from putting a deposit on the car on Tuesday DH looked at me and said "I never thought I would be a Honda owner". Lol..as if it was the most bizarre thing in the world. Silly man...his heart belongs to Toyota's.
Oh, and just for the stress record I found out I am on a layoff list for work. Grreeaatt. As if my blood pressure was not high enough...To top that...jobs here are slim to none. Believe me...I cruised craigslist and was slightly depressed. So here is to hoping my DH can knock me up good and this wont be an issue! Go team Go! lol
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