It's My (Pity) Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

Soooooo....pretty sure I am NOT pregnant. I'm ticked. I mean...I sort of had it in the back of my mind that since this was the first ovulation since my mc and I ovulated so late there would be a chance of it but...oh man...feeling so frustrated right now.

I have NO symptoms...not one and during my other two I had loads right after ovulation. Also, my temp and FF is not cooperating. This morning I searched charts that looked like mine that ended in a pregnancy and you know how many came up? 2..... 2 out of thousands of charts. Not exactly a good sign.
Even my ever optimistic DH is not sure and has his doubts with this cycle. And that says a lot.

The ONLY positive is my "pregnancy buddy" is not pregnant either. So we are still in the game together. I am expecting AF on Feb 10th. Which is sort of a downer as well because that is when DH and I were going to celebrate valentines. It would have been nice to be pregnant over VD but I guess I will just have a drink instead (lol).

A part of me is considering just not testing and waiting for AF to show up. Also, that way I don't have to waste a test and can save it for the next cycle. BTW - how glad am I that I already purchased another set of OPKs off of ebay as a back up in case this happened! With the lack of symptoms I also do not feel the need to test. Who knows if I will be able to hold out or not but it's a thought.

Second Guessing

I really have nothing to report. The only thing that has happened in the days past my positive OPK is yesterday I had veiny bbbs. Which is REALLY frustrating because the last two times my bbs hurt SOOO much literally the day after ovulation I knew I was pregnant but this time after ovulation...nothing...not a thing. I feel completely normal! It sort of sucks...

DH and I decided we are going to test on Sunday morning. He is gone most of Saturday so if I get a positive or negative I want him to be there with me. DH does not think I will be able to hold out though. I think I will be ok. If I was having every symptom in the book I might be tempted to test earlier but because I really have nothing and feel sort of down about this cycle I am not itching to test.
We also decided to tell only immediate family right after. This time we have a little heads up because we know who the blabbers are, lol, and not to tell those people.

Oh, and to top it all off FF changed my crosshairs last night so I am only 4dpo today apparently...weird. My temp also went down a bit this morning. I am not sure if that was from lack of sleep or what but my temps after ovulation last time were beautiful...spot on...so a dip so soon in this one with very little symptoms from my body leaves me unsure of what to think. I don't know why but I just have a really unsure feeling about this cycle...i am not optimistic at all. Not DH though...he continues to believe he posses super sperm....we'll see about that...
The girls on my Feb POAS party have tried to reassure some of my fears saying that each pregnancy is different and my body may just be responding differently. How much truth that holds I don't know but it is sure nice to have something to hold on to.

The Things I Do....

Yesterday was my first day of Pineapple Core. And all I have to say is this...blah..ick..chewy grossness.

Oh the things we will do to conceive... I have to date:

Cut out almost ALL caffeine
Completely cut out alcohol
Starting watching my diet...eating more fruits and veggies
POAS almost every day
Drank boatloads of water
Drank grapefruit juice to induce ovulation
Taken prenatals - horse pills - for months
Taken baby aspirin for the last two and a half weeks
Taken Musinex for the last week and a half
Will eat pineapple core 1-5 DPO
Elevated certain body parts to assist in conception
DTD in very specific positions
Taken temperature every morning
Checked CM and CP

And the list goes on and on....

Personally it frustrates me now when I hear people/friends of ours say, "Getting pregnant is so easy, we just did it in the middle of my cycle and voila a baby 9 months later!"
Voila? VOILA?! Are you freaking kidding me. Oh it must be nice to have a normal 28 day cycle but I NEVER have...and especially have not since the mc. Getting pregnant is easy? Ha! Easy my ass....

Now I guess I can't get too frustrated because to date we have been pregnant two times in the last four months. One chemical, one mc at about 7ish weeks. So technically its not the GETTING pregnant that we suck at...it's the STAYING pregnant we are having issues with.

I have considered myself to be 1DPO today. Nothing terribly unusual symptoms wise. I had less sleep last night because of Molly again and then have just been gassy today. But nothing to write home about. Part of me is secretly hoping my bbs start to hurt and I start to throw up any day now, lol. I have also told DH that I hope I am just sicker then a dog this time around. I had it pretty good during the last one and in my mind I have told myself if I have more of the symptoms that will make it more sustainable. Watch me totally kick myself for saying that one....

2WW - Take Two

Am I slightly crazy to admit I actually don't mind the 2 week wait? I will admit the first time I was going out of my mind with waiting but now that I know what to expect, what I should start feeling and when it will begin to take place... I am a little more at peace. Also I think it helps that I do not really have to wait a full two weeks...it is more like a week and a half. Perhaps that is because a certain someone up there knows how I don't particularly "wait" all that well...

DH and I have BD the heck out of this cycle. Because there is a slight chance ovulation may go through today or tomorrow we are going to continue that dance until this weekend...I mean..why not? Especially since we have been told DTD is off limits completely for us the first trimester (and maybe past) we might as well get it out of our system somewhat...- as if that is even possible for guys...?!

Sometimes I still feel a little jipped that this journey hasn't been a walk in the park. My boss was all excited yesterday because her daughter JUST found out she was pregnant. But get this...she had no idea...she is coming to the end of her fourth month and had no idea, none, she just took a HPT three days ago and it was confirmed at the doctor yesterday. I wonder what that would be like...?

I read somewhere that to help aid pregnancy you should be in a state of mind that you ARE pregnant. So...that is what I am doing. I am THINKING like I am carrying a baby. As crazy as it sounds it can't hurt...right?

My temp dropped this morning so I have a sneaking suspicion that I ovulate today. The next week and a half will be a careful watch of my temp to see if it starts to climb. Fingers Xed.

I had to laugh at my DH mom at the beginning of this week. Apparently her and my FIL are wanting to plan another trip this year (they just got back from Africa...so jealous). But they don't want to make plans around the time I might be pregnant...they don't want to miss it (how sweet). So she asked that I tell her the MOMENT I know. She swore she wouldn't tell a soul. The funny thing is, since I know we get pregnant fairly easily this is the scenario that popped into my head...:

"Hi, Mrs. A - I am just calling to let you know I am about to have a romantic encounter with your son." I'm so lame, lol.

I feel sort of at a crossroads at the moment. The question in my mind is...do I tell everyone when we find out again? The first time we told our families at just under the two month period...Christmas Day - thankfully we really did not tell anyone else except close friends so going around and telling people about the mc was not an issue. Now it seems so many people feel like they are going through this with us they want to be kept in the loop. Both our families have made a point of saying if we get pregnant again they want to know right away. As sweet as that is, it is really scary. Everyone is already treating me with kid gloves. I still get asked all the time if I am alright. I fear that when they find out I am pregnant again that will only become more of a problem. It is so hard...I so do not want to let myself or anyone else down again. Especially my DH. A month ago we were hurting so much...even though we feel we have made great strides since then I can't help but feel maybe I should keep the news to ourselves until we know for sure. But then again...do you ever really know for sure...?

Fertility Friend

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/33a6a3

Above is a link to my FF chart. You will see today's temp is not added. Well...yesterday our puppy was spayed and she cried and whined through the whole night. Such bad timing...Of course DH slept right through it...but me...the light sleeper had to suffer through her cries all night...thus resulting in what would have been a pretty inaccurate temperature. Feel free to follow along and see if my temp rises and if I go triphasic...which I tend to do when pregnant. I will also post my BFP or BFN.

..And We're Dancing...

And so the BD begins! I will POAS Feb 4, 2012 and as of now if I ovulate when I think I will our HEDD will be Oct 18, 2012. Thankfully I am not one of those people who has to wait the whole two weeks. I find I get a BFP at about 9DPO. I told DH to hide the HPT from me or else I will be tempted to test sooner!

I am not even upset about it possibly not being a November baby! Holy cow did I ovulate late though! I also have NEVER gotten two positives two days in a row and I got a positive OPK last night and this morning....so hopefully that is a good sign!

Needing all your thoughts, prayers and TONS of sticky baby dust!

OMG!!!!!

So...ok...yesterday my DH said to me "I think you are going to ovulate tomorrow" and I was like, "But...how do YOU know that?" and He was like, "I don't know I just have a feeling". I brushed it off because well...I have been getting soooo frustrated with my lack there of....Well...I came home today to THIS!:
Hells ya!