Yesterday came and went and all my OPKs were negative. Bummer. But the goal is to get a positive OPK before sunday. So I am not giving up yet. My husband is pretty sure my current obsession with POAS is going to put us in the poor house but I can't help it...its like a security blanket...those OPKs are the only tangible thing that lets me know whats going on with my body at this time.
The days just seem to drag now. I suppose it doesn't help that I have not been getting much sleep. I am usually not one who has dreams or nightmares...and if I do I cannot seem to remember them but as of recently it seems as though every night I am experiencing nightmares.
Last night my husband and I had a talk about how far we are willing to go to have a full term pregnancy. It was an interesting discussion. As of right now our fiances cannot really afford only one income (stupid mortgage) so if I were to be put on bed rest at any point that would be a concern. My mother however, brought up a really good point...she said "whats nine months to you for 100 years to someone else". It really puts it into perspective. How much of my life would I be willing to give up to pave the way for someone else? What sacrifices are we actually willing to make and are we prepared to make those if need be? I knew there would be sacrifices in parenting but who knew they would come so early?
Personally I am a big fan of "doing". Perhaps that has something to do with my control freak nature but I have always said if you are unhappy with something, don't cry about it, DO something about it. Upset about the hunger in Africa...DO something about it. Hate your job....DO something about it. That is probably why this whole pregnancy thing is frustrating the heck out of me. I would say to myself..."Kyla...don't whine...DO something about it." But... I can't "do" anything about it until my body ALLOWS me to...so I'm stuck waiting...and preparing...and doing lots of reading and research and drinking lots of water....and it sucks. So for now..this is me...waiting...not so patiently for something to happen....
So send your thoughts, prayers, love, baby dust, good vibes and anything else you can think of my way. Apparently I'm going to need it.
Totally get what you're saying here...I'm a control freak too and in the past, if I wanted something, I just went and got it or did it. If there was a job I wanted, I could spruce up my resume and network with people to get it. But getting pregnant is so different...you can control BDing on certain days, but that in no way means you will end up with a BFP. It's so frustrating to feel like you are doing everything you can and still not have it work :(
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