Mother's Day

I struggle with Mother's day coming up. I am missing my baby, missing being pregnant. Missing dreaming about him/her. My heart does not hurt as much nowadays but sometimes a wave of sadness hits. If it is true that God knows your heart then he should know how badly I want this. How badly I need this. I have really struggled with this and thus my faith has wavered. I still struggle with the "why" and "I don't understand" and I probably never will. I want those two babies in my arms...not in heaven. I know that is widely selfish but this blog is about honesty and that is honestly how I feel.

This morning I decided I am a mother. I am a mother to two children in heaven. And regardless of what the world tries to tell me...I am their mother and love them from afar.... I loved them the moment that stick said "pregnant" and I will love them until the end of time.

Thank you Angie for reposting this. Brought tears to my eyes. Even though after reading this and knowing I still struggle with the "why" it is comforting to know I am not alone in my journey.

Can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you? I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today. I asked “What makes a mother?” and I know I heard Him say, “A mother has a baby”. This we know is true. “But God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?” “Yes you can,” He replied with confidence in His voice. “I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day and some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay.” “I just don’t understand this God I want my baby to be here.” He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear. “I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see your child’s smile, with all the other children and say…” “We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly, my mommy set me free. I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her everyday. When she goes to sleep on her pillows where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear, “Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.” “So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay. Your babies are born here in my home and this is where they’ll stay. They’ll wait for you with me until your lessons through. And on the day that you come home they’ll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a mother, It’s the feeling in your heart. It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother until their time is done. They’ll be up here with me one day and know that you are the best one.