Much Needed Update

I am sorry. I have been a bad, bad blogger!

The month of November was SUPER emotional as both my DH last grandparents passed away within weeks of each other. I find one of the hardest times in a relationship is when your significant other is in a situation that you can do nothing about. I so badly wanted to take the pain and sadness away from him.

Christmas has finally hit our household. We got the tree last week and I have been decorating since then. Today I think is a good present wrapping day.

In other news...I was "terminated" from work while I was on medical leave. Yes...I am still on medical leave...more on that later. I got a lawyer and am now in the process of filing and submitting paperwork for this. Does the drama never seem to end!?

A couple weeks ago due to the pregnancy and the accidents I was approved for disability...which was huge. That meant I could buy DH Christmas presents without borrowing money from him. I have always been a pretty financially independent person and that month and a half of no income was really hard. Sure...I had savings...but after paying my bills and misc for two months that was looking pretty non-existent.

On the pregnancy front...

I am currently 25 weeks. Starting about 6ish weeks ago I was getting this intense pressure and pain in my pelvis. After the approval of my specialist I was sent to a maternity chiropractor who informed me that the left side of my pelvis was tilted and twisted in to my right side. She said it could have been like this for months and I was just starting to feel the pain now because of the 15 extra "baby" pounds and relaxin coursing through my body. This pain makes it super hard to lay down which as you can probably tell already is effecting my sleeping. Stairs are also tough. I find I can last on my feet for a lot less time then I use to...and when I do something like grocery shopping I am wiped for the rest of the day. I feel less and less like me with every passing day. I think I have gotten pretty big...here is a picture to prove it!

4 Weeks Pregnant

23 Weeks Pregnant

I am very VERY grateful I am not working because I do not know how I would get through work at this point. With the lack of sleep, pain and otherwise this has been a very interesting pregnancy to say the least!
I am still seeing my doctor, specialist and a women's center at regular intervals to monitor mine and babies progress due to all the complications.

Baby girl is the most active at nights. In fact...most of the time she keeps me up with all her ninja kicking and punching at my uterus. I am thankful for these movements though because they are a constant reminder that she is doing ok. I am getting excited as I near the end and am looking forward to things like my 3D ultrasound and baby showers! I also cannot wait to finally meet her...what a crazy journey this has been!

21 Weeks Pregnant!

 Your baby's eyebrows and eyelids are fully developed, and she can now blink.
Chances are good you're feeling someone performing a round-off back handspring in your uterus by now.

By now your baby looks like a mini-version of what she'll look like when she's born. All her facial features are formed and hair is growing on her head. She's even acting like a baby and will occasionally suck her thumb or yawn.

Baby's heartbeat is getting stronger and can be heard using a good old-fashioned stethoscope. By 21 weeks, fetal bone marrow starts making blood cells—previously done by the liver and spleen. This may not sound that exciting, but it's good news.

The amniotic fluid that has been cushioning your little bean now serves another purpose: Your baby uses it to "practice" chowing down. Your baby has been swallowing amniotic fluid for a while now, but now the intestines are finally developed enough that she's absorbing small amounts of sugars from it. And let's face it, being able to effectively digest sugar is important at every stage of life.

Your baby now weighs between 10 and 11 ounces and is approximately 7 inches long—the size of a delicious, cold, frothy bottle of root beer. Float anyone?



My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest
- Acne
- Fatigue
- Aversion to water
- My growing belly!
- Little "popping" sensations near pelvic area. Baby is sitting/laying VERY low.
- HUNGRY
- Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (All I have to say is ouch...look it up...I would say this is almost worse then the nausea I had for weeks)

Best Moment Of The Week:

Being able to slip in the fact when I talk to strangers that I am having a girl. Being able to go out and actually SHOP for a girl!

Milestones:

I am over halfway there. Do not think for one second that the worrying has lessened though. When I do not feel her movements for a long period of time I start to get really worried. Most of the time though when she moves I am in an awkward sitting position (this must bother her because of how low I am carrying) or just before bed at night when I am on my left side. Other then that movements are very sporadic and if I do happen to have my hand close to my belly I feel nothing. Poor DH...he wants to be a part of this so bad!

Appointments:

November 27th - DR. S
November 28th - Women's Center

Other Info & Thoughts:

Other then the SPD - which makes walking, stairs, sleeping and lifting my legs painful - everything is peachy. I finally have a huge appetite back. But...this doesn't mean I can stuff myself...I find if I do I feel extremely sick afterwards.
I hate that I have to wait so long until my next appointment. Because of everything that has happened I just like the reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Maybe if the baby moved a little more I would feel a little better but not so...
One thing that I love is hearing DH talk about the baby. He has all these thoughts and ideas and I cannot wait to see him turn to a daddy's girl mush bag.
I love how they mention rootbeer floats in the baby timeline events because I have been so majorly craving them! I don't think our household has gone though a 2L of pop that quickly ever!

Extra Extra - Read All About It

It certainly has been a couple weeks of super highs and super lows. I know some of you have been really worried about my lack of posts and to be quite honest I did not want to post anything until we had gotten all the testing back. So...here is the deal. Baby looks fine. I had diagnostic testing done and everything with the baby looks right on track. What they are now concerned about is me. Apparently when pregnant the veins and arteries around the uterus grow and develop differently. Mine are not doing that. This can lead to things such as pre-term labor and low birth weight of the baby. I have been sent to a womens center about an hour from where I live for further testing on this. Although this was somewhat interesting news DH and I were relieved to hear that the baby for all purposes looked like it was thriving and developing just fine. I am still on bed rest and will probably be for the rest of the pregnancy.

In other news....IT'S A GIRL!
As you can see by the pic our pup was
quite excited to see those pink balloons rise to the ceiling!











 
20 Weeks Pregnant:

Up until now your baby has been measured from crown to rump but from this point on the measurement will be from crown to heel – and this week she is about 26cm long and is steadily gaining weight. A whitish coat of a slick, fatty substance called vernix caseosa begins to cover your baby, protecting her skin during its long immersion in amniotic fluid. It also eases birth. Your baby's swallowing more this week, good practice for her digestive system. After your baby takes in amniotic fluid, her body absorbs the water in the liquid and moves the rest into her large bowel. In her bowel, a sticky by-product of her digestive system, called meconium, accumulates. It'll appear in her first nappy after she's born.

Your baby has established sleep patterns akin to a newborn now. Many babies even have a favorite sleep position already. Some snooze with their chins resting on their chests, while others nap with their head flung back. Many babies at this age fall into noticeable cycles of sleep and activity, so you may know before she arrives whether you have a night owl or an early bird.





From this point forward, your baby will put most of her energy into gaining weight and, not coincidentally, so will you! Right now your baby weighs approximately 10½ ounces and is about 6½ inches long, about the size of a can of Red Bull - but you really shouldnt be consuming that...try a cantelope...which is another good idea of how big your little one is!

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest
- Temp generally back to normal and have started sleeping with the duvet again
- Skin is getting better...only minor dryness and acne as subsided
- There are still some days when I feel nausea but generally I am only getting sick about once a week!
- Fatigue
- Tried to drink water the other day and proceeded to throw up the rest of the night...
- Tingling, burning, tight Nipples
- My growing belly!
- Little "popping" sensations near pelvic area. Baby is sitting/laying VERY low.

Best Moment Of The Week:

Revealing the gender to friends and family. The party was so much fun. I will post some pic in another post. The day certainly took a lot out of me though. I have spent most of yesterday and today in bed.

Milestones:

Feeling the littler flutters. They are coming more frequently now. Although I have an anterior placenta so I will not be able to feel crazy movement for a little while. Bummer. DH is bummed too that I am the only one who can feel these things. He cannot wait until he can put his hand on my belly to feel those kicks and punches from our little karate kid.

Appointments:

November 27th - DR. S
November 28th - Women's Center

Other Info & Thoughts:

I would LOVE to go from here on without anymore bad news. This pregnancy has been super scary. I have decided though that February and March I will be taking the bed rest I am on a little more seriously so I do not go into labor too early. It is going to drive me crazy but I cannot really be thinking of me at this point...there is too much else at stake.

Ugh...maternity clothes. The bane of my existence. Why cant they be super cute and super flattering. The WORST are the PJs. For those of you in Canada you know how bad the selection is at Thyme. Brutal.

I can't believe how our list of "baby needs" seems to grow every month! Even though I am trying to be super budget conscious and buy a lot second hand it costs a freaking lot to have a baby. My disability insurance due to bed rest kicks in at the end of this month so I can stop being so broke and actually start really getting going on all the major purchases. Although...I am very appreciative to have that. I do not know where DH and I would be without EI and LTD.

Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts and prayers that I have received. I have such an amazing blog community. Luv and hugs! :)

The Hits Just Keep Coming

I spent Sunday in the ER because I was bleeding and having contractions and thought my water might have broken. Much testing and many ultrasounds later and I was told everything was fine. I even went in to my specialists office this morning and he took another look and did another exam and said everything looked perfect.

I was just starting to breath easy when the phone rang right before dinner. It was my specialist calling after hours. I immediately knew something was wrong...there would be no reason for him to call that late unless there was.

DH and I had blood testing done for abnormalities and this was the call we were dreading. I have been told we have a 1 in 5 chance that the baby has down syndrome or a possible life threatening disease. We are devastated. My doctor recommended an amniocentesis. I will get a call tomorrow letting me know when the testing will be done. Probably some time this week as I have been told it needs to happen ASAP. I am so not looking forward to them shoving a gigantic needle through my stomach.

Because of this I had to call DH and ask him to come home. He is away on a hunting trip and if I am going to get this procedure done I want him by my side. I feel just awful and guilty about asking him to come home but I do not think I could do this without him.

I feel like I have not been able to enjoy this pregnancy at all. Just as I am able to ...WHAM...I get news like this. This is something DH and I want so badly and I just think it is all so unfair. It makes no sense.

I am nervous about the testing and the risks it brings. I want to be happy and excited in this pregnancy so badly. Sometimes life sucks. Today sucked. Royally sucked.

I'm Not Ready Yet

Anyone who has been pregnant or currently pregnant knows the changes that happen emotionally, physically and mentally. Sometimes it is pretty overwhelming. At almost 17 weeks my body is changing and I am still dealing with some pretty fierce "morning sickness". As if that isn't enough I am now dealing with the anxiety of becoming a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and ...it is freaking the hell out of me.

I have always been an independent - has a job, pays her own way, does what she wants woman - and it scares me to know I will be completely dependent upon someone else.

Gone are the days when I can have a girls shopping weekend in Seattle and drop a couple hundred dollars. And it is not just that. It is the little things. I do not think the wonderful - trying to be understanding - man in my life can quite grasp my feelings behind this. My latest revelation was yesterday. We ran out of toilet paper. Normally this wouldn't be an issue...I would drive up the the store and buy the items needed for the week or whatever we were out of. No biggie. Except...it doesn't work like that anymore...I have to ask DH to go buy something as simple as toilet paper or female hygiene products because I am essentially penniless. I still have medical leave payments coming in but between paying my own bills (cell, insurance, gas, credit card) and still helping with the mortgage payments it leaves me pretty strapped from week to week.

I couldn't help but think.. what happens when that monetary safety net is gone? I get a year of maternity leave benefits and then what? DH and I have made the decision that I will be staying at home raising our kids but I have to admit I am going to miss the financial freedom of earning an income. I am not saying being a SAHM won't be rewarding...but knowing life is going to change big time and I will no longer have financial control over anything is really scary.

Essentially after maternity leave benefits wear out DH will take on the responsibility of paying my cell phone, insurance, gas, etc, etc. I realize I will be making a life contribution as well keeping our home tidy, arranging meals and raising the kids (how Martha Stewart/Betty Crocker of me) but how do you other women not feel guilty about hitting up starbucks ...or going out with a girlfriend for dinner? How do you justify spending money on yourself? There comes a point in time where I am going to need shoes and clothes and to get a hair cut...all the little things I have just taken for granted I will now need permission for. Yikes.

DH doesn't get it... But at the end of the day it is HIS NAME that is on that pay cheque. It doesnt say ________ & Family. As far as the government accounting department is concerned I bring nothing to the table.

As I was in tears last night trying to get across my feelings DH just didn't get it. His words of - "But you will be making just as an important contribution raising the kids. I will have to completely be dependent on you for that." - were somewhat reassuring that he is not the type of man to "lord over the income" to our household but it makes me wonder how he would feel having that financial aspect taken from him? Would he feel differently if he had to ask for gas money to get to the store to buy toilet paper...? I think so.

For now I am only getting a taste of what is to come. March 2014 will be the real start of this panic inducing madness. Until then I have to start changing my mindset from a "his and mine" to an "ours". Things are going to change and no...I probably will not ever get used to being completely financially dependent upon someone else but there will be good things too. I will be there for the first smile, first birthday, first steps and much much more. That's life. Real life. But no college diploma of mine will have quite prepared me for that. 

16 Weeks Pregnant!

Your baby is already mugging for the camera as she practices all sorts of facial expressions, such as squinting, yawning and grimacing.

If your baby is a girl, her uterus is fully developed and the ovaries already hold primitive egg cells.


Your baby's skin is still translucent and wrinkly, not unlike an old man's, but more fat will soon accumulate under the dermas to plump her out. If you could peer inside right now, you'd be able to see all the veins under the skin. And speaking of veins, your baby's heart now pumps about 25 quarts of blood per day. Eyes are now locked and loaded at their final destination, facing forward rather than to the sides.


This is the week women get an amniocentesis, if their doc recommends it. In addition to supplying doctors with a boatload of info about the baby's health, amnios are also more than 99 percent accurate in determining what version of baby you'll be having. So if you want to know and you're getting an amnio, now's a great time to find out for sure.

Your baby is now some 10cm long from crown to rump, about the size of an avocado, and weighs about 100g. In the next three weeks your little avocado will go through a tremendous growth spurt, doubling in weight and adding centimeters to length.

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Dry Lips & skin - especially on my face...major peeling
- Nausea has lessened and I feel all day nausea some days all day but am only throwing up about every other day now!
- Fatigue
- Tried to drink water the other day and proceeded to throw up the rest of the night...
- Tingling, burning, tight Nipples
- Pregnancy Acne - a little less a this point
- My growing belly!
- Little "popping" sensations near pelvic area

Best Moment Of The Week:

Taking to my dad's mother about her pregnancy with him. Such a good bonding moment. I also got to start planning on Gender Reveal Party.

Milestones:

Thinking I MIGHT have felt the baby move....just maybe...but not sure what it was...and it has only happened once.

Appointments:

October 29th - Gender assessment
November 2nd - Dr. Y seals in envelope what gender we are having for DH and I to find out later that night together!

Other Info & Thoughts:

Not much has happened this week. Just chugging along. This is the longest time I will go between ultrasounds and that is a little scary...I like the calming effect of seeing that little heartbeat. Three more weeks until I see that again.

I have started to eat more and more. This past weekend was Thanksgiving and I went to my parents for a huge dinner, then to an extended family thing for dessert after that and then I went home and ate two bagels!!! I couldn't believe how much I consumed. This morning I also woke up at about 4AM and HAD To eat something...so I had an apple. It is definitely nice not throwing up everything I eat now. Makes mealtimes a thousand times more enjoyable.

I thought I MIGHT be able to get away with finally drinking straight water a couple day ago so I gave it a go. It was a complete fail. An hour later I spent the rest of the night on the toilet after dry heaving for what seemed like forever. So...as for now...water is still not an option...I feel awful about that but I am trying to get my liquids in other forms such as juices, creme frapps, milk, etc.

4 more weeks until I hit the halfway point...

15 Weeks Pregnant!

I've been MIA again. I apologize! But let me explain! For the past two weeks my mom has been in the hospital and then over the weekend my husbands grandmother passed away. Needless to say it has been a few emotionally draining weeks. I didn't end up posting my 14 week info because of a family emergency so I will just skip right to 15 weeks. Hopefully that is acceptable.

15 Weeks:

Although many women don't start feeling the baby move until the 17th week (or later), your baby has been having its own party in the amniotic sac it calls home. If you feel a little flutter in your belly this week, don't discount it as gas or hunger. It could be your babe banging around.


Your baby's legs are growing longer than his arms now and all his joints and limbs can move.Genitals MAY be pretty well developed by the end of this week but you will want to wait a few weeks before you can find out accurately if you should be buying pink or blue.
Baby's head is now resting on his well-formed neck instead of directly on his shoulders like Igor. Baby is also beginning to grow eyebrows and eyelashes this week. The hair on the head also begins to grow.

Although baby's eyes are sealed shut, now he or she is able to sense light. Eyes and ears finally look like real baby features now. As your baby practices sucking and swallowing actions, he or she may actually hiccup.


Although YOU have only probably gained about 5 pounds or so over the next month, baby will grow faster than ever, so make sure you load up on enough nutritious food and fluids to support his growth. Your baby now measures nearly 4 inches, about the size of a Kit Kat "finger" (regular-size, not the Big one you get at the movies) - or again if you are going healthy...a navel orange, and weighs almost 2 ounces.



My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest...at times sore
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips & skin - especially on my face...major peeling
- Nausea has lessened and I feel nausea some days all day but am only throwing up about once a day now!
- Fatigue
- Minor aversion to water...thinking about drinking it causes more of a gag reflex
- Tingling, burning, tight Nipples
- Pregnancy Acne
- My growing belly!

Best Moment Of The Week:

DH coming to my appointment with Dr.S and actually getting so see an ultrasound of the baby first hand!

Milestones:

Booking our 3D scan and anticipating our gender testing on the 29th!

Appointments:

October 7th - Lab blood work
October 18th with Dr. Y
October 29th - Gender assessment

Other Info & Thoughts:

Throwing up is getting really really old. There are some days I feel pretty good and then BAM it hits and then others I feel nauseated all day and then end the day getting sick. Either way...not fun.

I have officially outgrown some of my clothes. I was a little sad. I mean...one pair of clothing was even my "comfy wear around the house pants"...that was a bummer.

I dread October and November...it means DH is gone...A LOT. He is almost gone half of October this year. I get left all alone with the dog ...who by the way pouts just as much about this as I do!

I am excited for my sister to come home from college over Christmas to see how big I have gotten. I think it is going to be a big shock for her!

I am offically not cleared to go back to work. Which...when I sent in the doctors information to my job must have pissed them off because I got a lay-off notice about two days later. I spent yesterday FREAKING OUT about finances while DH stood behind me as I had excel open working out our finances saying "Babe...its going to be ok. We are going to be Ok." I think more for me it is the fact that I have been independent and paying my own bills for as long as I can remember! To be completely reliant on someone else for money is a foreign concept. At least DH makes good money. But...this really threw a wrench in things. I am supposed to be taking it easy and not stressing out but that did NOT help.

Every day I feel a little better about the pregnancy but there are defiantly set backs. Like the other day a friend of mine says to me... "Did you know a pregnancy is not technically viable until the 7th month." Bubble officially burst. Then I start to think...I am only 15 weeks...finishing just my 4th month...that seems FOREVER away...will I make it!?!!? Oh boy...this growing a baby thing is stressful....!

13 Week Ultrasound

  
I got this thursday afternoon. The dating scan changed my due date from March 26th to March 29th so that changes the day when I post. On friday, according to the ultrasound, I will be 14 weeks.
Until then here is a little something to keep you in warm and fuzzy thoughts!

*UPDATE* - I went into my doctor and he decided NOT to change my due date because of the fact that they were so close.....so I am still going to continue to post on the tuesdays.

13 Weeks Pregnant! (More bleeding AGAIN)

This past weekend was STRESSFUL! Not only did I spend Saturday gushing blood but when I went in to see my specialist about it on Monday he sent me to the hospital for testing and monitoring. Thankfully everything is ok, saw the babe and all is good. It is frustrating that they do not know where all the blood is coming from though! It is certainly scary! My doctor said I could very well bleed through my entire pregnancy and that I should prepare myself for that reality. That doesn't make it any less frightening though.
My mom has also been in the hospital as well and gave us quite the scare over the weekend. She was doing much better today and I am hopeful that she can go home soon. Drama drama drama...does it ever end??

This weekend after my dating scan on Thursday we will probably announce on facebook. I am SUPER nervous to do so but it has to be done...im getting huge...there really is no faking it at this point...

13 WEEK INFO:

Tiny fingerprints are now at the tips of his or her fingers. Your baby has sucking muscles in her cheeks, so when you poke your tummy gently the baby will feel it and start rooting.


Your baby can make a fist and even suck his or her thumb this week. If you're really lucky, you might catch a glimpse of baby's thumb sucking on an ultrasound photo.



If you're having a girl, she now has approximately 2 million eggs in her ovaries. She will have only a million by the time she's born. She'll have fewer eggs as she gets older, and by age 17, the number will have dropped to 200,000.

Your baby's eyelids are fused shut to protect his eyes as they develop. Bones and skull are solidifying and soon itsy-bitsy ribs may appear. Baby's intestines are finally right where you want them—in his or her belly instead of poking out into the umbilical cord. Baby's tooth sockets are all loaded and ready to pop out baby teeth six or seven months after baby is born. Vocal cords and larynx are completed now.


Your baby-to-be now weighs about 20 grams and is nearly 3 inches long, or about the size of a Nutter Butter, covered in chocolate or if you are going healthy...a peach.

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest...at times sore
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips & skin - especially on my face...major peeling
- Nausea has lessened and I feel nausea all day but only get sick about once MAYBE twice.
- Fatigue
- Minor aversion to water
- Tingling, burning, tight Nipples
- Pregnancy Acne
- My growing belly!

Best Moment Of The Week:

I am not sure there was one this week...it has been super stressful and full or worries...

Milestones:

Again...can't think of one.

Appointments:

September 20th - Hospital dating scan
September 27 with Dr.S
October 4th - Lab blood work
October 18th with Dr. Y
October 31st - Gender assessment

Other Info & Thoughts:

I am certainly tired of feeling sick...and getting sick. I apologize for my lack of belly pictures but I really just cannot feel connected to this pregnancy. With all the worries I am constantly on edge...I feel it is really hard to bond and actually accept that this will happen. I feel my past has made me a bit cynical towards this process. I so badly want to feel joy and anticipation but most of the time that is kept at a distance. I am thrilled that I am pregnant and am SO THANKFUL that I have gotten this far but I really really REALLY just want time to pass where things start to feel ok.

With all the "cause for concern" my doctor has not cleared me to go back to work until next year. Yes...that's right...I said next year. And I am still on modified bed rest. Anyone want to send some good books my way...I am pretty sure I am running out of reading material here..and there is only so much bad TV a person can watch. Just taking it day by day over here...!

12 Weeks Pregnant

The big news this week is that your baby's reflexes are becoming more honed. The baby will squirm if you prod your belly, although you probably can't feel him or her moving around yet. Fetal nerve cells have been multiplying rapidly and the neurological connections in the brain (synapses) are forming. The baby can close fingers, curl toes and clench eye muscles.
Baby's face is looking more human as eyes have now moved to the front of his head and ears are in place.

Your baby is able to swallow this week and practices on the amniotic fluid he or she floats in. Fetuses get oxygen from the blood pumped into their bodies by the placenta and don't breathe with their lungs.



Your baby's intestines are well under way, but they aren't all where you'd expect them to be. Instead of all being locked away in the body cavity, some are dangling on the outside, in the umbilical cord.

Your little nugget's finger- and toenails are forming this week. The chin and nose are also becoming more defined.

Junior has doubled in size over the past two weeks and now weighs almost ½ ounce. He's also now around 2 ½ inches long, about the length of your pinky finger or a Vienna sausage, which, in a few months, will be indistinguishable from one another.

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest...at times sore
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips & skin - especially on my face
- Nausea has lessened and I feel nausea all day but only get sick about once MAYBE twice.
- Fatigue
- Major Aversion to water
- Tingling Nipples
- Pregnancy Acne
- My growing belly!
- Dizzy

Best Moment Of The Week:

Going baby stuff shopping with DH. He got bored really fast but picked out some really cute stuff. I was in the zone and would have bought half the store...I guess that is why DH was with me...lol

Milestones:

Moving in to my second trimester! Woot woot!! Never out of the woods but slowly but surely we are chugging along. 

Appointments:

September 20th - Hospital dating scan
September 27 with Dr.S
October 4th - Lab blood work
October 18th with Dr. Y
October 31st - Gender assessment

Other Info & Thoughts:

I thought the second trimester was supposed to bring relief? Although I feel better I still feel nauseous and am getting sick. However...it comes and goes really fast. Instead of making it to the bathroom I can barely focus before I am projectile vomiting. Lovely.

Yesterday I tried to put on a zip up hoody and it barely zipped up. It was pretty tight. I don't feel like I look that big but obviously something is going on!

I have had some bouts of emotion this week where I have gone from zero to crying in like 1.2 seconds. It is mostly when I think DH is mad at me or having an attitude. Mostly it is a misunderstanding but by that point I am already in tears.

It still bothers me that since the beginning of getting pregnant I have not had one week where "something of concern" has not happened. I would LOVE to start relaxing and enjoy the pregnancy...any time now!

More Bleeding

Well...I think that about sums it up. I started bleeding again last night and a little in to this morning. So that makes two days of red blood. I mean...I know I went to Dr.S and he gave me an ultrasound and everything looks alright but this is just downright scary. DH is now adamant that I take it more easy. How much easier can I take it??? I barely do anything as it is!
If this is what pregnancy is going to be like for me I am not sure how we are going to have #2. I mean...there is NO WAY I can be on bed rest with a toddler running around! Ah well...we will take it one step at a time I guess...
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Each time something like this happens it totally freaks me out. In fact...DH and I decided that we are not going to say anything on facebook until my next scan. I don't want to risk announcing and then something happening right after that. Just taking it one day at a time...because that is all I can really do at this point...

11 Weeks Pregnant - Bleeding Scare

Before I go into this weeks post I just wanted to give an update for those who were wondering about the title of the blog. Last night and this morning I had quite a bit of bleeding. A lot actually. It was pretty frightening. I had to get blood work done today and they are in the same building as my specialist so I just popped in and hoped for the best after I had my visit to the lab. The receptionist was great she took me right in and Dr.S gave me an ultrasound even though I had no appointment and was probably interrupting his lunch. Baby is doing great. Measuring fine and has a good heart beat. They have no idea where the blood is coming from. We have speculated two things. 1. I had a very busy weekend and pushed myself too far or 2. Some sort of coincidental bleeding along side with the fact that I lowered my progersterone dose at the direction of Dr.S last week. Either way I am now back on bed rest and have been told to take my prometrium until 14 weeks. Scary stuff.

11 Week Info:

All of your baby's vital organs are now formed and functioning, so the risk of defects decreases this week as your baby becomes less susceptible to outside influences.


Baby's ears are assuming their proper place this week and the fingernail and toenail beds are beginning to form. Your little "pumpkin head" really lives up to his nickname as his head is nearly as big as the rest of his body.



While testes or ovaries are completely formed now, don't start decorating the nursery. You won't be able to see your baby's gender for a few more weeks yet.





Your baby is really on the move now. In an ultrasound you might be able to see your little acrobat flailing his or her arms and legs and doing somersaults worthy of Cirque du Soleil. You still won't be able to feel any movement, so if you feel something "kick" in there, it's probably gas.

In the next nine weeks, your baby will increase 30 times in weight and almost triple in length.




Your baby now weighs a third of an ounce, about the same as two small, Starbucks-sized packets of sugar, is about 2 inches long, the length of one of those sugar packets.

You're getting close to the end of the first trimester. A dark vertical line of pigmentation, called the linea nigra, may appear on your belly.

 

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest...at times sore
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips & skin - especially on my face
- Nausea every day... throwing up even with the medication..worse at night
- Fatigue
- Major Aversion to water
- Tingling Nipples
- Pregnancy Acne
- My growing belly!
- Dizzy

Best Moment Of The Week:

My best moment this week was getting to feel a little bit better. Generally I am not sick ALL day but just sometimes. My throwing up has gone down to about 1-2 times a day. I can stomach more food and liquids now. I am actually enjoying food and yesterday celebrated my 1 year wedding anniversary with my husband. I actually left the house, went to a restaurant and didn't run to the bathroom once! Success!

Milestones:

Getting to take home an ultrasound picture & watching as DH proudly showed it off to friends and family.

Appointments:

September 20th - Hospital dating scan
September 27 with Dr.S
October 4th - Lab blood work
October 18th with Dr. Y
October 24th - Gender assessment

Other Info & Thoughts:

It is REALLY hard setting a balance in life right now. On one hand I want to be normal but on the other hand "normal" is not good for the baby...so I am pretty much back to bed rest and that kinda sucks. With all the scares we have had it makes me really nervous to announce on facebook in the next couple weeks. It is almost like I keep putting it off. I know it has to be done soon because I am starting to show but I am still super nervous! This baby is sure keeping me on my toes!

Sweet Child Of Mine

The doctors visit went great today! He is really concerned that I have lost 5 pounds since the last time I saw him due to the throwing up of everything that I eat....but other then that all looks great. In fact...see for yourself!

That right there folks in a head, two little arms and a sweet little body with a strong heart just beating away!

10 Weeks Pregnant!

By the end of Week 10 baby graduates from embryo to fetus, which literally means "little one."

Your baby has finally morphed from a little tadpole into, well, a baby. Not only is the face more human-like, but that unflattering "tail" (really just the developing spinal cord) has disappeared, fusing into the spinal column.

Your baby now has discernible fingers and toes, which will explain the steady stream of kicks and punches you'll feel down the line.

Junior's skeleton is starting to grow and harden. The ears are beginning to take shape and the eyelids are no longer transparent. Tooth buds are forming, although your baby won't get any teeth until six or seven (or eight or nine or 10) months after birth.


Baby's brain will make an incredible 25,000 new neurons every minute this week. While you may feel like you're losing as many as he's gaining, we can assure you it's not permanent. "Pregnancy brain," like nausea and bloating, is a temporary symptom that soon shall pass.

If you're baby is a boy, he's started producing that macho hormone testosterone. And whether your baby is a boy or a girl, the kidneys are creating copious amounts of urine. Lucky for you, you won't have to change a diaper for another 30 weeks.


Baby weighs only 4 grams and measures 1½ inches, about the size of a mondo Brazil nut or prune. And it's not just your baby who's growing. Your uterus (womb) is now the size of a grapefruit. You may even be able to feel it above the middle of your pubic bone.


 My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Larger chest...at times sore
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips & skin - especially on my face
- Nausea every day... throwing up even with the medication..worse at night
- Fatigue
- Major Aversion to water
- Tingling Nipples
- Hunger
- My growing belly!

Best Moment Of The Week:

Not being able to "suck it in" anymore. To most it would just look like I am carrying more around my midsection but to me its a whole new world...and a whole new me...

Milestones:

Finding out that a dear person in my life is also expecting literally two weeks after me!

Appointments:

August 30th with Dr. S.

Other Info & Thoughts:

I have not spotted in a week - knock on wood, fingers crossed. Nausea is always there....worse in the evenings. I felt so bad for DH last night...he made a lovely (expensive) meal and then two hours later I was throwing it up. I feel tired all the time. Even after hours of sleeping ...I just want to crawl back in to bed.

DH and I celebrate our anniversary this coming weekend. One year married...wow...it seems like so much longer...probably because so much has happened in the last year. Three weeks from now I will announce on facebook that we are pregnant. I am super nervous about that and am anxiously waiting for my ultrasound appointment on thursday to just make sure everything is fine.

Because I am so sick I am not gaining anything. In fact from the last time I was weighed in at the Dr's office I have lost 3-4 pounds. Not good. The one thing I crave like crazy is juice. And not just any juice...It has to be in juice boxes...orange juice, apple juice, punch...I will drink it all...everything except water that is...still makes me gag. I can get away with a bit of cold milk as well. Milk goes down easier if it is in a steamed milk or hot chocolate. It is hard ensuring I am getting everything I am needed especially with me so sick.

I really wanted a doula and birth photographer but the cost was a little scary...$700...*gulp*. Thankfully I just signed a few more clients and in one signing it paid for then both. Huge weight off my shoulders and one less thing to figure out how we would save for it.

Other then that I am just waiting patiently for my 2nd trimester...I hear things get easier then. Hopefully I will be able to feel and eat a little more like a normal human being. And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to leave with house without a bucket (just in case I get sick). One thing at a time though! Once again just thankful to be here!

Symptoms Coming Out The Wazoo

One of the worst things I have been experiencing for about a week is morning sickness that goes hand in hand with Ptyalism (excess saliva). It seems there is always a river in my mouth. I feel like a baseball player constantly spitting every chance I get. It hits at the most annoying times too...like right before bed or in the car. I feel less then lady-like at the moment. Although DH made me laugh yesterday. I was spitting and then turned to him and was like "Oh how lady-like. Ugh...I feel less a less goddess like every day." And he was like, "What are you talking about...you are the epitome of lady-like right now...you are growing a human being. Now if that isn't lady-like I don't know what is." Awww, so sweet.
Yesterday DH stood dutifully behind me rubbing my back and I proceeded to through up all of dinner and then promptly started sobbing. Poor thing. He feels so helpless. Well, at this state I feel pretty helpless myself. I don't feel like me. I feel as though something has taken over my body and is running how I look (good ol' pregnancy acne), how I feel (morning sickness, fatigue, etc) and how I think (random emotions, etc...). Something pretty interesting though...I was looking up "excess saliva and what could help" and a link on baby center came up. I would say about 90% of the women on that board who had major excess saliva in the pregnancy gave birth to a boy...how interesting is that??? I guess we will see if I fit the statistic. I just found that intriguing.

Most sites I have been to say that morning sickness and Ptyalism go away in about the 12-14th week. so that means I have about 2-4 weeks to go until I start feeling a little better. I bought sea bands on thursday and I do not really know if they have been helping or not but at least I am trying to be proactive...My doctors keep telling me to keep it easy...I honestly just cant wait until I get my next ultrasound on thursday....seems like forever away! I promise I will get a picture this time!

First Pregnancy Related Dream

Last night I had my first pregnancy labor and delivery dream. It was crazy. It was not like I was experiencing it myself but like I was outside my own body watching. Crazy feeling...like I was back in time or in the future or something...anyways this is what happened:

I got to the hospital and for some reason DH was not with me but it seemed everyone I had ever known in life was there but he was not. I was annoyed because I progressed really fast but then for some reason they wanted me to take a nap. I took a nap but as soon as I fell asleep I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and they checked me and I was good to go... Except now I was mad because DH was not there yet. Finally there was no more waiting and just as I was about to start pushing DH walks in. One ...yes one big push later and out comes a baby. A baby with long flowing hair but was a boy...I was confused at first and crying and then when they handed the baby to me all the long hair was gone. DH and I high-fived and then I woke up. So odd...lol

Another odd thing is today is the first day in about 3 weeks where I have not felt nausea. Of course that freaks me out. Having the nausea there sort of is a good reminder that everything is ok. With everything that has happened in the past I do not really mind reminders. They sort of help me to relax about the whole thing. I also feel a lot less bloated and last night was the first night I have slept for at least 4 consecutive hours. It was bliss. The bbs still hurt and are big so that is at least good. If all my symptoms suddenly dissipated I would be seriously freaked out. Just taking it day by day at this point and happy to be pregnant!

9 Weeks Pregnant!

You may be able to hear the heartbeat this week with the help of a Doppler! The eyelids, now completely covering the eyes, are fused and won't open until week 26. Tiny earlobes are now visible.

Baby is beginning to move, but you won't be able to feel anything for some time.

Baby is growing nipples and hair follicles. The pancreas, gallbladder, bile ducts and anus are all in place, ready to poop and pee a dozen times a day when he or she is born. Your baby's head is half the size of its body and the little chin is tucked into the chest. The tiny tail is beginning to shrink away, giving Junior a more human and less amphibious look.


This week your baby will begin to develop either male or female genitalia.

At this stage, your developing fetus is 1-inch in length, about the size of a martini olive and weighs a mere 2 grams—a little less than a penny.

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Sore/ heavy/ larger chest
- Darkened and larger aeolus and larger Montgomery bumps
- Trouble getting comfortable and sleeping at night
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips & skin
- Nausea every day. throwing up even with the medication
- Fatigue
- Major Aversion to water
- Burning Nipples
- Hunger
- Emotional
- And the new joy: pregnancy acne...

Best Moment Of The Week:

Being able to get through a wedding I attended without getting sick until we reached the house. Then at home I got sick twice...oh well...

Milestones:

Making it to 9 weeks!

Appointments:

August 23 with Dr. Y and August 30th with Dr. S.

Other Info & Thoughts:

The "morning sickness" is really kicking my ass, worse at night...even with medication. I just do not feel like myself. I have noticed some pants getting tighter and I definitely prefer wearing sports bras to regular bras at this point. The only liquids that stay down at this point are juice and milk...don't even talk to me about water...*barf*. Food is depressing to eat because it just comes back up again.

I spotted tuesday morning and evening, wednesday morning and evening, thursday morning and yesterday afternoon. However Tuesday-Thursday was bright red, only lasted about an hour and then went away. Yesterday was not red. No cramping or clotting so I have been told there is nothing to worry about and it is "normal" but it still scares the shit out of me. DH still thinks it is a good sign that I am getting so sick...even though I would never wish this on anyone...

Because I am so sick and tired nothing around the house usually gets done and I dont like leaving the house for fear of getting sick in public. You cannot really tell I am pregnant at this point so all I would be is the weird girl throwing up in the corner or on the side of the road. Not cool.  I am hoping this eases up. I could really use a break. Also...I never use to get acne...I had pretty clear skin...not now...I have got bumps on my arms, chest, face, shoulders...and the list goes on...

Other then that I am just really looking forward to my next appointment with Dr. S to see the little babe again. I am going to try to get a picture from that appointment to post so stay tuned!

The Devil In Red

This morning I woke up to blood. Lots of deep red blood mixed with CM. My heart sank. Within an hour it pretty much stopped and went down to brown. I have no cramping which is a good sign as well.  I guess I just will be taking it extra easy today. I hate how every day is a worry....I feel so helpless knowing I am literally doing everything I can do yet that may not be enough. *Big Sigh*

8 Weeks Pregnant!

This week, your little tadpole is starting to look a little bit more human.

The embryonic tail is just about gone, and all organs, muscles and nerves are beginning to function. In the brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. Your baby's hands now bend at the wrist, and the feet are starting to lose their webbed appearance. The eyelids cover more of his eyes and tastebuds are forming on his tongue.

 Your baby's eyelids, ears, upper lip and the tip of his soon-to-be adorable button nose are forming.

Baby's tiny heart has separated into four distinct chambers and is really ticking now—at a rate of 150 beats per minute. That's more than twice your resting heart rate

Your baby is now a little more than ½ inch long and is about the size of a raspberry.






My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Sore/ heavy/ larger bbs
- Trouble getting comfortable and sleeping at night
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips
- Frequent Urination
- Nausea every day, throwing up every meal
- Fatigue
- Major Aversion to water
- Burning Nipples
- Stuffy/Runny Nose (Not sure if this is the pregnancy or just the usual bad allergies I get in July & August)

Best Moment Of The Week:

On thursday of last week I saw the baby and the little heart beating away which was pretty cool!

Milestones:

Oh morning sickness...or should I saw 24 hour a day sickness. It started about halfway into my 6th week and I was getting sick a couple times a day then gradually moved to where if I put anything in my mouth...including liquids it would come right back up. Needless to say I now have a pregnancy prescription for nausea and vomiting. Because I am so sick my best friend is convinced it is a girl. Apparently women who are really sick in the first trimester tend to have girls...we will see how true that is...

Appointments:

August 23 with Dr. Y and August 30th with Dr. S.

Thoughts:

If I ever was unsure about how pregnant I was the sickness confirms it. Even with the meds I get sick. My dinner did not last very long in my stomach tonight before coming back up. So here I sit nauseous and hungry...

Other Info:

I have started feeling super duper tired. I can even take a nap during the day and still sleep at night...that is certainly new. As for cravings and aversions I cannot really say I have anything where I have to have it RIGHT NOW just things that sound really good..like frosted flakes....their grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreaaaatttt! lol

Cloud 9

Today I saw a beautiful heartbeat.

My doctor told me not to expect much...that we were keeping our expectations low but I saw the most gorgeous blob ever with a little heart just beating away.

Today by my estimation I would be 7 weeks 2 days and the baby measured just over 7 weeks 1 day...success!

I called DH just bawling and he of course thought the worse and was upset when I came on the phone bawling but I told him they were happy tears. He was a little miffed that we didn't get a picture but I told him it was not the official ultrasound so that is why we didn't get anything. Pretty much I only got one today just because of the fact I have had two losses and the doctor wanted to make sure it was a viable pregnancy.

I had some blood work done today and then go for my next ultrasound September 20th at 2:30PM at the hospital. Super stoked!

At this point I am pretty much throwing up daily. But...I am ok with that. Seeing that little heart beat away makes it all worth it.

Dear baby...you have only been here 7 weeks yet I love you so incredibly much. You already have my heart.

7 Weeks Pregnant!

This week your baby's brain is growing at a mind-boggling 100 cells per minute within a see-through skull. If you could peer inside, you'd see those tiny brain cells growing and growing and growing (about as quickly as you feel like yours are shrinking and shrinking and shrinking with your "pregnancy brain"!).

 In just two days, from days thirty-one to thirty-three, the brain becomes one-quarter larger. If you were to have an ultrasound, it would be able to detect the beating heart, which shows up looking like a tiny flashing light.Baby is now the approximate size of a blueberry!



Your baby's face is becoming more defined this week. A tiny mouth hole (which will be ready to wail before you know it!), tongue, nostrils and ear indentations are visible. His or her eyes are wide open, but he doesn't have irises (the colored part) yet.

Baby's arm buds are growing. At this point they look more like microscopic ping-pong paddles than arms. Baby's leg buds are also forming and will look like tiny paddles by the end of the week.









The umbilical cord—the connection between your baby and the placenta—is now visible.





Your baby is now between 1/3 and 1/4 inch long—about the length of a Tic Tac and about as heavy as an eyelash. While that sounds tiny, he or she is approximately 10,000 times bigger than at conception.
 
 My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Sore/ heavy/ larger bbs
- Trouble getting comfortable and sleeping at night
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips
- Frequent Urination
- Nausea almost every day/ getting sick at least once a day
- Fatigue
-Aversion to water
- Burning Nipples
- Stuffy/Runny Nose (Not sure if this is the pregnancy or just the usual bad allergies I get in July & August)

Best Moment Of The Week:

Getting to 7 weeks without red spotting!!! Yay for me!

Milestones:

This is the first pregnancy that I have gotten this far without having to go to the hospital. My naturopath is treating me for a "threatened miscarriage" due to all the spotting but so far so good!

Appointments:

August 9, 2012 - Dr. S...getting so close!

Thoughts:

The "morning sickness"/ nausea has kicked in. Usually it is not in the morning though...lol. Usually it is about mid-afternoon until right until I go to bed. I am getting sick at least once a day and now have a designated "bucket" that I carry with me throughout the house because when it strikes there is usually no getting to the washroom in time.

Other Info:

My benefits for sick leave still have not kicked in...which leaves me broker then broke. That basically means I have had no money come in since the the week of June. We took out some savings so I could pay basic bills but my claim better come in soon or things might get really interesting. I am super excited for two days from now when I see Dr.S. Since the last time he saw me I was in tears over two losses this should be a much different visit!

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

Sorry for being MIA with no pic...I doubt one will go up now this week...this week has been tough...between the spotting and the news we got yesterday my heart just aches.

Close friends of ours went into early labor yesterday and delivered their precious baby boy. He did not make it. My thoughts yesterday were consumed with sadness and grief for their loss. I cannot even imagine...I do not even want to imagine what that would be like. They are such amazing people and would be great parents...why does this world we live in have to be so cruel?

Every day that goes by brings me closer to my doctors appointment where I will be hopefully send for an early ultrasound. I need to know if everything is ok. On the plus side...my cervix has NEVER felt like this...all high and large and soft and squishy. That's a new one. That never happened with the last pregnancy. Lately I am SO BLOATED and sleeping is so hard. Well..sleeping last night was extremely hard due to the upsetting news but in general I just cannot seem to get comfortable and then when I finally do fall asleep I have to wake up to go to the washroom yet again, lol.

To add to the bad news we found out the market where we live is just doing awful. We have had our house up for sale for a couple months and want to be moved on to something else before the little one gets here and after hearing about the stats last night from our realtor we are not very positive that will happen anytime soon. Because we got such a late summer everyone is hitting the road... AND mortgage rates and approval legislation was changed in July which is greatly affecting what people can by and how they are spending their money now. Total bummer.

Being on bed rest is...well...boring. You can only read so many books and watch so much TV before you are tapped out. And because I am considered "high risk" I am not allowed to do any lifting or housework. Do you know how hard that is being home all day long? I feel so useless.

I had a dream last night that I miscarried. It was not what I needed at this point. I know it will always be in the back of my mind but I just wish there was a point I could legitimately stop worrying about it. My doctor says spotting is completly normal...but ...I don't know...most women who I have spoken with who have spotted have ended up losing the pregnancy. It is really out of my hands....which is really not helpful for this control freak type-A personality that I am. The only thing I can do at this point is take it day by day with prayer and hope for the best.

6 Weeks Pregnant!

This week starts a period of rapid cellular development for your baby-to-be, who looks like a mini tadpole, with a tiny head and tail. His or her eyes, ears and mouth have begun to form (though they're a little more Discovery Channel "creatures of the sea" documentary than Gerber Baby at this point).

Your baby's heart is now beating to a regular beat, although it's still too faint to hear.

His or her arm buds are just beginning to, well, bud. They look like teensy swollen bumps at this point. In a few days, they'll resemble itsy-bitsy flippers.

Your baby has grown to ⅛ inch long—about the size of one of the chocolate sprinkles on your last cupcake (and your last ice cream cone, and your last sundae and your last giant cookie ... maybe there is something to those rumors about pregnancy cravings!).

The baby and the yolk sac are about the size of an M&M's candy - or as the picture shows...a sweet pea.


A month after conception, the embryo looks something like a newt or a tadpole, and it has gills like a fish! Right now, the embryo of our future baby looks much like the embryo of any other animal—a bird, rabbit, or monkey. It has two tiny cups of pigment on the side of its head that will develop into eyes. Tiny buds that will form the lungs have appeared. The neural tube has closed. One end is flattening and expanding to become the brain, and the other end will become the spine. It's already 10,000 times larger than the fertilized egg. The embryo doesn't have gender characteristics yet, but has little dots where the nipples will be, whether it's a boy or a girl. The heart, a tiny U-shaped tube, will start beating between days twenty-one and twenty-four and is circulating the embryo's own blood. It has a small mouth and lips and fingernails are forming.

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Sore/ heavy/ larger bbs
- Trouble getting comfortable and sleeping at night
- Generally feeling much warmer
- Bloated
- Dry Lips
- Frequent Urination

Best Moment Of The Week:

Telling DH's parents. His dad's face lit up and his mom cried. It was awesome.

Milestones:

Calling the doctor frantic with questions and concerns.

Appointments:

August 9 2012 - Dr. S

Thoughts:

Still a nervous Nelly and analyzing everything that may be a concern on the TP. I have not really connected with the pregnancy yet. I think that is just because of the two losses and not really feeling like I can allow myself to get excited about it yet. I hate calling DH at work in tears like I did yesterday. I feel so bad for doing it but I needed to talk to him. Hopefully this process does not get to overwhelming for him. On the bright side I tested with another CBD test this morning and is showed " pregnant 3-4" weeks which would be pretty much on the mark because I should be 6 weeks today from my last AF give or take a few days - as I still have no idea which day I actually ovulated. I was so happy to see that higher number...to be honest it helped my heart calm down a little bit.

Other Info:

As my other posts read I spotted both last thursday and yesterday and was on the phone frantically with the doctor who told my to take my prometrium up my who-ha, stop freaking out and lay down. I feel so useless... My mom even came over today and did some laundry. So much for independence...

  6 Week Photo:

Coming soon...I should probably shower first...lol

You Want Me To Put It WHERE??

So today I started spotting again...some pink/brownish...no red as of yet. Of course a freak out ensued. I called my doctor and he had already left the office so I called my specialist who said (get this) to start taking my oral prometrium supplement vaginally. Ummm...what? When I asked the secretary who passed on the message exactly how exactly I was to do that she laughed...and then told me she had no idea. Helpful, lol. So I did a little googling and it seems that doctors suggest this when it seems a persons body is not getting the progesterone there properly orally or if for some reason you are pregnant and your cervix has not fully closed.Another reason is most medical plans will cover oral but not vaginal prometrium so most doctos just order patients the oral and tell them to take it vaginally. Confusing...

Anyways...I guess that will be my new adventure. Heck...I'm willing to try anything at this point...including shoving something up my who-ha. Here goes nothing....wish me luck!

Dreams

Last night I had dreams all night long. Everything from me going into labor and not feeling a thing (fingers crossed, lol) to my DH constantly calling me fat and me ending our marriage because of it (fyi...DH would cut off his own arm before he called me fat, lol). In the last one I actually woke up tears streaming down my face and crying! DH was like, "Whats wrong!?" And  said, "Nothing, bad dream" and then he was snoring 1.5 seconds later....so much for being concerned, haha.

I am terribly bloated (ew), and tired ALL THE TIME. Even if I have a nap throughout the day I am still tired by the end of the day.

 I forgot to mention that on Friday we told his dad and it went really well. He was thrilled. Tonight we tell his mom. It will be at her birthday dinner which will be perfect because she was not really wanting to do anything for her birthday and this will just be the thing she needs to remember her birthday and be happy about it.
DH is out walking the dog at the moment with his two really good friends and will tell them soon...if not already.

Time is just flying by but at the same time seems to go so slow! I can't believe almost two weeks ago we found out! It feels like my doctors appointment is so far away. August 9th...that seems like F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!! Hopefully we get referred for an early ultrasound and I get to hear my little bean's heart beating away. Not gonna lie...I will probably cry...tears of joy that is....what a moment that will be! Can't wait!!!

Fear

Yesterday in the washroom I noticed a TINY bit of discolored (brown/peach) CM on the TP. I, of course, immediately thought the worse because I have been cramping on and off for the last couple days. I went to lie down and it did not come back. Freaked both DH and I right out. I have been taking it REALLY easy. I barely do anything other then attend appointments, cook, sleep/nap, tidy the house and recline on the sofa while watching TV.

The only pregnancy symptoms I continue to have are fatigue, bbs fullness/tenderness/tingling, cramping, and extreme hunger at times. The frequent urination has tapered but I really have nothing else to report.

I pray everyday for a positive ultrasound. I am not sure when I will get one. I have a doctors appointment August 9th. Until then my CBD and dollar store cheepies are the only things that ease my mind. Just taking it day by day at this point. I wish there was some other way to gain more peace and comfort.

Twin Thoughts

Recently I have been comparing this time to last time. As you all pretty much assume I am still testing. Not daily but at least twice a week. Last time I only tested twice with a CBD...once when I found out and then right before we told everyone just to be sure everything was ok. Both times last time I tested way ABOVE what my weekly count should have been even though I knew exactly when I ovulated. This time I am right on track if not a few days behind. It makes me wonder....was I carrying two last time?? Why is it that my count was so much higher then the norm? And then...thinking that makes me very sad. The sorrow to have lost not one but two.

At this point I just need to make it through the next week and a half...and then we will have hit that mark...that scary MC mark. My dollar cheepie tests are getting darker so I guess that is a good sign. I continue to take breaks when I feel I need them and try to listed more carefully to my body. I am scared of the unknown but hopeful that this is our time.

I was telling DH how NOT pregnant I feel. Other then heartburn and huge, hurting bbs I really have nothing else. Believe me...I'm not begging for the nausea or anything over here but this pregnancy is just so SO SO different then the last. Last time I was sick almost every day and had major food aversions and so on but this time it really feels like a step down. Maybe that is a good thing. I was reading in one of my books last night that normally morning sickness really does not tend to hit until around 6 weeks...so I guess we will see!

5 Weeks Pregnant!

You won't look pregnant at this point but already your baby’s tiny heart has begun to beat and pump blood. The heart is dividing into chambers and will find a more regular rhythm soon. Your baby is about a quarter of a centimeter long and looks more like a tadpole than a human being and is about the size of an apple seed. The baby will have a growth spurt this week - the first of many!

The baby is  busily growing all his major organs, including the kidneys and liver. The intestines are developing and the appendix is in place. The neural tube, which connects his brain and spinal cord, will close this week.

All these internal developments are matched by changes on the outside, too. The buds that will grow into your baby’s arms and legs begin to sprout. And below the opening that will later form your baby's mouth, small folds exist where the neck and the lower jaw eventually develop.

 The yolk sac produces red blood cells and nutrients for your baby. But early versions of the placenta and umbilical cord are already at work, and preparing to take over this job.
The placenta's cells are burrowing into the lining of your uterus, creating microscopic fingers of tissue (chorionic villi). Once the placenta is fully functioning by the end of this week, it will be able to make nutrients for your baby and take away his waste products. The umbilical cord delivers those nutrients, and oxygen, to your baby.

My Pregnancy Symptoms:

- Sore/ heavy/ larger bbs
- Tingly nipples
- Fatigue
- Feel hot at night and cold during day
- Cramps
- Bloated

Best Moment Of The Week:

Telling my parents and some of my aunts. I did the baby on board sign like I did with my sister. It took my dad FOREVER to see it but when he did he was smiling so big and then came over to hug me. My mom was not even to the back of the car before she saw it. She was super excited as well. My brother had...no reaction, lol.

I want to tell my friend "K" but she just had a baby and her baby shower is this weekend. I want that moment to be all about her so I will probably wait until the hub-bub is over and tell her the next week.

Milestones:

I am super super tired. I could sleep all day and not even think about it. I have not been sick since the last week. Sleeping is rough because I am probably up every 2-3 hours to go to the bathroom.
Last night DH cooked ribs and I told him that the house smelt like it was burning down. Apparently they had just gone in the oven, lol. Needless to say I had to open every window in the house because the smell was so awful to me.

Appointments:

I have an appointment with Dr. S on the 9th. Really excited to tell him the good news. He has been there since after the last miscarriage and through the medication so he knows how big of a deal this is for us.

Thoughts:

I am still really nervous and everything tends to freak me out. I have been cramping really badly ..well..badly compared to last time which was nothing. I looked it up and asked a few people and it seems it is really normal as long as it is not accompanied by bleeding. The cramping gets bad if I am moving and standing. If I am sitting or laying I feel nothing. Apparently the cramping is the uterus stretching and the baby settling in but with everything we have been through I am just trying to be careful because I cannot take another heartbreak.

Other Info:

I went shopping with "M", my best friend, on Saturday and got to tell her. That was awesome. We went across the border to Ross and Marshall's and I scored some pretty awesome deals. Some awesome maternity wear and toys, clothing and essentials for baby. Hard to imagine that is only a 1/8 of what we will need when the baby finally makes its way here!
DH's dad finds out friday and his mom next tuesday. Seems like forever away!

5 Week Photo:

Just some tummy bloating...other then that nothing new!