Today is CD7. Yesterday AF was pretty much over. A bit of spotting in the morning but it was pretty scarce. This morning though i woke up to major cramps. And as I am sitting here writing this I am cramping as well. It totally feels like the first day of AF. I really have no idea what to think. DH and I had a "romantic encounter" last night and it was actually really nice knowing in no way was it tied to TTC. I have a feeling this month is going to do a lot of good for us. I was thinking about it last night though how utterly hilarious it would be if we got pregnant the ONE month we were trying really hard not to.. That would be the moment where I threw my hands up in the air and said, "OK god, you win. Nice touch. "
DH made our holiday plans last night and we actually came to an agreed conclusion! Since we cannot afford to go on a big trip this year because of the wedding expenses from last year we will be taking three mini trips. (I do not count the cabin as a trip - FYI - since it costs probably a total of $100) In June we will be staying at a B&B in Whistler, September we will jet off to Vegas and then later in September we will spend a few days in downtown Vancouver. I am super excited. I love having things to look forward to! I also get a week off at Christmas from work but I do not really count that as we do not go anywhere...except like a million family functions.
This month is actually going to be really busy. This weekend we are doing some home renos and then next weekend is Easter long weekend and we head up to the cabin again. The second weekend in April we do final renos, the third weekend we put the house on the market and the last weekend I am at a conference. This month also includes an 80's party, my sister's birthday and private training puppy lessons for Molly. So if anything I should be a really busy bee...perfect for taking my mind off of TTC!
Happy hump day everyone!
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
New Approach
I was debating whether to start my crazy regimen of TTC when it hit me...the first two tries I was on nothing..I was not doing green tea or red raspberry or baby aspirin or prenatals or pre-seed or ANYTHING. It was simply au natural and we didn't have a problem getting pregnant so that is what I am going back to. The only thing I will continue with is the temping and OPKs in order to know when I need to start taking the Progesterone. That...is not an exception in my mind it is a MUST. With my long crazy cycles and low progesterone counts that is the one thing that my body actually needs to make this TTC thing work. Well...that, DH and a perfectly lovely eggie of course, lol.
Yesterday I had the migraine from hell. I had it all day at work and then I went home, made dinner and promptly went to bed...at 8..lol. I was so out I slept through the entire hockey game DH and on and didn't even wake up when he came to bed at the end of the game. I was out good.
As for my cycle today is the last day of AF. Yay! Even though DH and I will be using condoms and not ATTC this cycle I am excited to see what the use of the progesterone will bring. Hopefully more predictable, shorter cycles. I could really use some good news/results this cycle because I think it will give me that burst of hope that I need when starting TTC in May.
Yesterday I had the migraine from hell. I had it all day at work and then I went home, made dinner and promptly went to bed...at 8..lol. I was so out I slept through the entire hockey game DH and on and didn't even wake up when he came to bed at the end of the game. I was out good.
As for my cycle today is the last day of AF. Yay! Even though DH and I will be using condoms and not ATTC this cycle I am excited to see what the use of the progesterone will bring. Hopefully more predictable, shorter cycles. I could really use some good news/results this cycle because I think it will give me that burst of hope that I need when starting TTC in May.
Monday, 26 March 2012
Wine, Soft Cheeses & Caffine
I was living it up this weekend. And by living it up I mean I ate all the things I wouldn't be allowed to had I been pregnant. I had some wine, pop, brie, candy, hot dogs, etc, etc. It was lovely.
Because of the 4 hour drive to the cabin DH and I had lots of time to talk. We talked about kids and parenting and all sorts of things. During the drive I discovered I am sort of down to a flicker. The flame of TTC is gone and of course I still have hope but it is more of a faint flicker then anything. I have hope but it is sort of hard to find sometimes. I found when talking to DH the conversation and replies going on in my head were different then what I was saying. I was a serious negative nelly in my head.... It was sort of depressing.
I am so tired today I can barely keep my eyes open. DH had a hockey game last night and we got to bed well after midnight. Fine for some people but he gets up at 3:45 and I get up at 5:45 so the lack of sleep was definitely an issue. We also came home the weekend to find the house not as we hoped to have left it. We paid a painter to come in and paint the house and got home and there is a long LONG list of thing that are incorrect and poorly finished. Now I have a migraine. And you know how when you get so angry you feel physically ill? That is how I feel right now...and I have even had a chance to "sleep on it". Why oh why can't one thing go right!?
On the bright side the weekend was fun. There was tons of snow and DH had fun ice fishing while Molly ran around and wore herself out on the frozen lake. It is going to be a big surprise to her that she cannot "walk on water" when we go back during the summer time.
As for my cycle I am on CD5 just getting through the last legs of AF. I will probably start temping tomorrow or Wednesday and start my OPK on April 1st. Due to the progesterone I took last cycle who knows what will happen. I am not exactly sure how that might possibly screw up or regulate my body. All I know is we want to get pregnant in May. I am hoping that this break will have given my body what it needs and it can jump back on that baby-making bandwagon full force! It will certainly be interesting to see what the month of April brings..
Because of the 4 hour drive to the cabin DH and I had lots of time to talk. We talked about kids and parenting and all sorts of things. During the drive I discovered I am sort of down to a flicker. The flame of TTC is gone and of course I still have hope but it is more of a faint flicker then anything. I have hope but it is sort of hard to find sometimes. I found when talking to DH the conversation and replies going on in my head were different then what I was saying. I was a serious negative nelly in my head.... It was sort of depressing.
I am so tired today I can barely keep my eyes open. DH had a hockey game last night and we got to bed well after midnight. Fine for some people but he gets up at 3:45 and I get up at 5:45 so the lack of sleep was definitely an issue. We also came home the weekend to find the house not as we hoped to have left it. We paid a painter to come in and paint the house and got home and there is a long LONG list of thing that are incorrect and poorly finished. Now I have a migraine. And you know how when you get so angry you feel physically ill? That is how I feel right now...and I have even had a chance to "sleep on it". Why oh why can't one thing go right!?
On the bright side the weekend was fun. There was tons of snow and DH had fun ice fishing while Molly ran around and wore herself out on the frozen lake. It is going to be a big surprise to her that she cannot "walk on water" when we go back during the summer time.
As for my cycle I am on CD5 just getting through the last legs of AF. I will probably start temping tomorrow or Wednesday and start my OPK on April 1st. Due to the progesterone I took last cycle who knows what will happen. I am not exactly sure how that might possibly screw up or regulate my body. All I know is we want to get pregnant in May. I am hoping that this break will have given my body what it needs and it can jump back on that baby-making bandwagon full force! It will certainly be interesting to see what the month of April brings..
Friday, 23 March 2012
Moments Of Joy
Recently I came to a decision that I need to start carving out moments of joy every day for myself. Some days I go so deep and dark into my thoughts, hurt and anxiety that I have really noticed a change in my personality. And...since I do NOT believe in uppers in the form of drugs I have to find my moments of high elsewhere. Those moments can be anything really. But I started thinking that I really need to REALLY put myself IN the moment when those things present themselves. These are just some of my "moments of joy"..
1. The first few mins when DH walks in the door after work and we smile, hug each other and kiss *sigh*
2. Mocha Syrup creme frapps from Starbucks ( I have to be careful about this one though because the calorie intake on these babies will result in me gaining a million pounds) Just saying those order words is sort of thrilling..lol
3. Control/Lists. When I make lists/plans for the day/future I get a certain joy out of it that is really quite odd
4. "M Day" - I only see my BFF one day a week but that day is needed and appreciated. She brings out some of the best of who I am.
5. Singing along to a really good song on the radio or putting in one of my most favourite CDs
6. A really good meal. I love food so much it is a wonder I am not overweight.
7. Making a point to cuddle daily with Molly- our big sap of a rottweiler. In her eyes I'm the best it gets.
8. Those odd moments in time during the day when I find myself really truly letting go and laughing - recognising that moment and taking the time to just let it sit and really enjoy it.
DH is great at the last one especially. He comes home sometimes with these widely inappropriate jokes and stories from the day at work and I really cannot help but laugh. He is a construction foreman so needless to say his work environment is VERY different from my own. He could never do what I do (loads of paperwork) and I could never do what he does (intense labour).
Today we head to the cabin. DH is super excited and although the cabin is not my most favourite thing to do I love seeing him so excited and happy. That is probably another moment of joy for me. I love being able to make DH happy.
Slowly one day at a time I will chip away at this TTC break I am on and May will hopefully be here before I know it!
1. The first few mins when DH walks in the door after work and we smile, hug each other and kiss *sigh*
2. Mocha Syrup creme frapps from Starbucks ( I have to be careful about this one though because the calorie intake on these babies will result in me gaining a million pounds) Just saying those order words is sort of thrilling..lol
3. Control/Lists. When I make lists/plans for the day/future I get a certain joy out of it that is really quite odd
4. "M Day" - I only see my BFF one day a week but that day is needed and appreciated. She brings out some of the best of who I am.
5. Singing along to a really good song on the radio or putting in one of my most favourite CDs
6. A really good meal. I love food so much it is a wonder I am not overweight.
7. Making a point to cuddle daily with Molly- our big sap of a rottweiler. In her eyes I'm the best it gets.
8. Those odd moments in time during the day when I find myself really truly letting go and laughing - recognising that moment and taking the time to just let it sit and really enjoy it.
DH is great at the last one especially. He comes home sometimes with these widely inappropriate jokes and stories from the day at work and I really cannot help but laugh. He is a construction foreman so needless to say his work environment is VERY different from my own. He could never do what I do (loads of paperwork) and I could never do what he does (intense labour).
Today we head to the cabin. DH is super excited and although the cabin is not my most favourite thing to do I love seeing him so excited and happy. That is probably another moment of joy for me. I love being able to make DH happy.
Slowly one day at a time I will chip away at this TTC break I am on and May will hopefully be here before I know it!
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Counting Down The Days
Today is officially CD1. I had some scarce spotting last night and AF came in with her broom this morning. Good times....
I have started looking at this positively. This now gives me time to regulate my cycle to hopefully shorter/healthier ones as well as time to get back into shape. I have let my workouts slide and my waistline is feeling the result of that. Too many evening blizzards from DQ I suppose...lol.
This also gives DH and I a bit of a break from the stress of trying. This month can just be about us... DTD whenever we want with no complications of timing and position (hahha)
Looks like roads have cleared up enough to make it away this weekend. DH will be happy to hear that. A nice relaxing weekend away sounds really nice right about now.
I have started looking at this positively. This now gives me time to regulate my cycle to hopefully shorter/healthier ones as well as time to get back into shape. I have let my workouts slide and my waistline is feeling the result of that. Too many evening blizzards from DQ I suppose...lol.
This also gives DH and I a bit of a break from the stress of trying. This month can just be about us... DTD whenever we want with no complications of timing and position (hahha)
Looks like roads have cleared up enough to make it away this weekend. DH will be happy to hear that. A nice relaxing weekend away sounds really nice right about now.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
TTC Changes You
I had some time to do some thinking this week (sorry for being so MIA Angie). I never EVER thought trying for a baby would be this hard and contain so much heartache and bad news. I was a result of a teen pregnancy and then my mom went on to have two more kids with no problems and also adopted. We are a fairly large (by todays standards) 6 person family. But the list of things against ME keeps growing. Lets recap on what I have learnt about myself in since september...
1. I am a part of the 15% (RH- with their partner being RH+ blood type)
2. I have irregular cycles
3. I have lutal phase defect
4. My body produces very low levels of progesterone
5. I ovulate late
September = CP
Nov=Pregnant
December= MC/Rhogram Shot
January = Dr
March= Fertility specialist/Progesterone (Medication)
As for me cycle wise as of now...last night was my last half dose of Prometrium and I am still reciving negative pregnancy tests. My chart also took a nosedive. I am expecting AF to get here by tomorrow.
I have been through 5 cycles...5 very LONG cycles of waiting and hoping and praying. This is what I have noticed...
I have changed. I have changed and I am not sure I like this new Kyla. She sulks and whines and withdraws herself from friends and family. Oh, and lets not forget the tears. I have cried too much in the last 6 months. The tears have been for the miscarriage, the failed attemps, the diagnosis and the fear and feelings of being left behind while so many around me are still pregnant and I am not. I find myself upset when I see people on the TTC boards with pictures of themself and their kids and they are upset about not getting pregnant again. I just want a baby...one child...you have many and yet YOU are frustrated?! I have never been able to get to that process and yet YOU feel cheated!? And then...I get mad at myself. That is not who I am. This person...this ball of anger and hurt and frustration....this is so NOT who I am. I am acting like a child and yet I think I am ready for one...
I don't know what to do when I look into DH's eyes and see how much he wants a child. He didn't sign up for this. I am holding us back and feel so helpless. He has followed through on everything I have requested of him and yet I feel as though we have nothing to show for it. And now we are in limbo because of an agreement we made before we started TTC. No Christmas baby. We have friends and family members who are Christmas babies and just know how unfair it tends to be to have a birthday right smack dab in the middle of such a big holiday like Christmas.
So now I wait for May. I test for ovulation and take progesterone after that but there will be no temping. And as for the two weeks wait...we will see how I feel when that comes in regards to obsessive posting. I need to focus my energy somewhere else for a while. And even though I will still be waiting to see that smiley every cycle I will pledge to myself to not become overly obsessive. I just cannot do it anymore. I refuse for it to affect my marriage and life any further. I am better then this. I am a better employee, friend, daughter, sister and wife then this and I should start acting like it.
1. I am a part of the 15% (RH- with their partner being RH+ blood type)
2. I have irregular cycles
3. I have lutal phase defect
4. My body produces very low levels of progesterone
5. I ovulate late
September = CP
Nov=Pregnant
December= MC/Rhogram Shot
January = Dr
March= Fertility specialist/Progesterone (Medication)
As for me cycle wise as of now...last night was my last half dose of Prometrium and I am still reciving negative pregnancy tests. My chart also took a nosedive. I am expecting AF to get here by tomorrow.
I have been through 5 cycles...5 very LONG cycles of waiting and hoping and praying. This is what I have noticed...
I have changed. I have changed and I am not sure I like this new Kyla. She sulks and whines and withdraws herself from friends and family. Oh, and lets not forget the tears. I have cried too much in the last 6 months. The tears have been for the miscarriage, the failed attemps, the diagnosis and the fear and feelings of being left behind while so many around me are still pregnant and I am not. I find myself upset when I see people on the TTC boards with pictures of themself and their kids and they are upset about not getting pregnant again. I just want a baby...one child...you have many and yet YOU are frustrated?! I have never been able to get to that process and yet YOU feel cheated!? And then...I get mad at myself. That is not who I am. This person...this ball of anger and hurt and frustration....this is so NOT who I am. I am acting like a child and yet I think I am ready for one...
I don't know what to do when I look into DH's eyes and see how much he wants a child. He didn't sign up for this. I am holding us back and feel so helpless. He has followed through on everything I have requested of him and yet I feel as though we have nothing to show for it. And now we are in limbo because of an agreement we made before we started TTC. No Christmas baby. We have friends and family members who are Christmas babies and just know how unfair it tends to be to have a birthday right smack dab in the middle of such a big holiday like Christmas.
So now I wait for May. I test for ovulation and take progesterone after that but there will be no temping. And as for the two weeks wait...we will see how I feel when that comes in regards to obsessive posting. I need to focus my energy somewhere else for a while. And even though I will still be waiting to see that smiley every cycle I will pledge to myself to not become overly obsessive. I just cannot do it anymore. I refuse for it to affect my marriage and life any further. I am better then this. I am a better employee, friend, daughter, sister and wife then this and I should start acting like it.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Goodbye 2012
Today I started mourning the pure fact that I will not be having a 2012 baby.
To make matters worse I logged on to facebook yesterday and there it was. Another "yay im pregnant!". I started bawling on the spot. And then I got angry (moved through the stages of grief pretty fast hey?). I mean...this girl...who has been dating this guy for literally a couple months...and she is preggo. Apparently.....APPARENTLY I should be unwed or using a condom (another set of our friends) in order to get pregnant.. I was even further ticked when I posted a relatively heartfelt sad note on my facebook wall (which I RARELY do) and got this response (actually hold on..let me copy it word for word):
"Aw Kyla, I am sorry to hear about everything but your such a positive cheerful person so I know you'll find a way to cheer up :)"
WTF!??! Let me address a couple points here...
1. If you have no idea what I am going through (and she doesn't) you have no right to tell me to just "cheer up"
2. Why should I have to cheer up?! Can't I be angry/sad/hurt about what I am going through?!
3. If you don't have anything non-stupid to say don't say anything at all...*(ok...maybe that is a little harsh but I'm a raging hormonal female on medication at the moment and that's how I feel, lol)
4. What do you mean by "hear about everything" you are simply responding to how I feel/felt sad. Again...you have NO idea the TTC stress that has overtaken my life for the last 5 months. I literally have not spoken to this person in almost a year...if not more then that. But facebook somehow gives people the right to think they know exactly what is going on in your life and can feel free to comment with something productive like "cheer up".
The most frustrating thing is because I have to take the medication from ovulation day on for 14 days I just cant stop tracking my cycles. I HAVE to know when I ovulate in order to treat my lutal phase defect. So even though DH and I are taking a TTC break for a couple cycles I still have to track it to treat it. That is so not cool. My body just will not give me a break and let me be. And I know it will be frustrating because I will essentially know I am ovulating but can't do a darn thing about it because of the unwanted due date timing. Last night was my first half dose of prometrium and I will be taking another half dose tonight and stopping it all together and then AF should be here shortly.
Now..lets be completely honest. If I got pregnant and was in fact due in December or early January I would NOT find that to be the end of the world. In fact a part of me considered throwing that plan out the window and just going for it regardless of what DH and I decided about due dates. But...that wouldn't be fair...especially since we had that discussion while both of us were of sound mind and we should probably stick to the decisions we came to at that time. No one loves Christmas more then I do but come on Christmas...you are totally messing with my life plans!
Another thing that sucks is I will be getting AF right before DH and I leave for the cabin this weekend....Oh joy...no running hot water for a weekend and AF on top of that. What a way to end the week.
Last night my mom and I went out for dinner to talk about my job predicament and how I should approach my boss. We get seated and I look at my mom and am like, "we have to move...he is sitting in the booth behind you". She of course thought I was joking but it was no joke. What are the chances that we pick a restaurant that my boss is it at let alone get sat at the table right beside him...!? So we move across the restaurant...FAR across the restaurant. The consensus from my mom is that I go in today lightly and mention my circumstances and if I get nowhere then go back in with the very long, very detailed, very no -questions-about-it letter I wrote yesterday. I hope it goes well and I do not have to get to the point where I am handing over the letter because I REALLY do NOT want to feel forced to find another job.
Why cant life hand me one stressful situation at a time? I very much disagree with the well known quote "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" as a motivational line because sometimes that punch to the jugular leaves you immobile for quite some time before you can heal and even become remotely strong again.
To make matters worse I logged on to facebook yesterday and there it was. Another "yay im pregnant!". I started bawling on the spot. And then I got angry (moved through the stages of grief pretty fast hey?). I mean...this girl...who has been dating this guy for literally a couple months...and she is preggo. Apparently.....APPARENTLY I should be unwed or using a condom (another set of our friends) in order to get pregnant.. I was even further ticked when I posted a relatively heartfelt sad note on my facebook wall (which I RARELY do) and got this response (actually hold on..let me copy it word for word):
"Aw Kyla, I am sorry to hear about everything but your such a positive cheerful person so I know you'll find a way to cheer up :)"
WTF!??! Let me address a couple points here...
1. If you have no idea what I am going through (and she doesn't) you have no right to tell me to just "cheer up"
2. Why should I have to cheer up?! Can't I be angry/sad/hurt about what I am going through?!
3. If you don't have anything non-stupid to say don't say anything at all...*(ok...maybe that is a little harsh but I'm a raging hormonal female on medication at the moment and that's how I feel, lol)
4. What do you mean by "hear about everything" you are simply responding to how I feel/felt sad. Again...you have NO idea the TTC stress that has overtaken my life for the last 5 months. I literally have not spoken to this person in almost a year...if not more then that. But facebook somehow gives people the right to think they know exactly what is going on in your life and can feel free to comment with something productive like "cheer up".
The most frustrating thing is because I have to take the medication from ovulation day on for 14 days I just cant stop tracking my cycles. I HAVE to know when I ovulate in order to treat my lutal phase defect. So even though DH and I are taking a TTC break for a couple cycles I still have to track it to treat it. That is so not cool. My body just will not give me a break and let me be. And I know it will be frustrating because I will essentially know I am ovulating but can't do a darn thing about it because of the unwanted due date timing. Last night was my first half dose of prometrium and I will be taking another half dose tonight and stopping it all together and then AF should be here shortly.
Now..lets be completely honest. If I got pregnant and was in fact due in December or early January I would NOT find that to be the end of the world. In fact a part of me considered throwing that plan out the window and just going for it regardless of what DH and I decided about due dates. But...that wouldn't be fair...especially since we had that discussion while both of us were of sound mind and we should probably stick to the decisions we came to at that time. No one loves Christmas more then I do but come on Christmas...you are totally messing with my life plans!
Another thing that sucks is I will be getting AF right before DH and I leave for the cabin this weekend....Oh joy...no running hot water for a weekend and AF on top of that. What a way to end the week.
Last night my mom and I went out for dinner to talk about my job predicament and how I should approach my boss. We get seated and I look at my mom and am like, "we have to move...he is sitting in the booth behind you". She of course thought I was joking but it was no joke. What are the chances that we pick a restaurant that my boss is it at let alone get sat at the table right beside him...!? So we move across the restaurant...FAR across the restaurant. The consensus from my mom is that I go in today lightly and mention my circumstances and if I get nowhere then go back in with the very long, very detailed, very no -questions-about-it letter I wrote yesterday. I hope it goes well and I do not have to get to the point where I am handing over the letter because I REALLY do NOT want to feel forced to find another job.
Why cant life hand me one stressful situation at a time? I very much disagree with the well known quote "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" as a motivational line because sometimes that punch to the jugular leaves you immobile for quite some time before you can heal and even become remotely strong again.
Sunday, 18 March 2012
BFN
11DPO
This morning I tested again and got a BFN. I think for sure I am out. I should have gotten my BFP before now. It seems I am at a loss of "symptoms" as well. I am not sure what to attribute to the Prometrium or possible pregnancy. I also have noticed my bbs are not full anymore which was a huge sign for me last cycle in knowing I was not pregnant.
To tell the truth I am really bummed. Now this means DH and I will be taking a break in order to not give birth during December or January. This also means that all my friends and family member who are having kids this year will not be in the same grade as ours. That really sucks. It would have been nice to have people to be with in the pregnancy along the way but I guess I am just destined to do this alone surrounded with pregnant women and their newborns as I try. I am hurt and sad and frustrated. It isnt supposed to be this hard.
It is really hard not to lose faith in something when you feel like you have done everything right. I guess I, in general, am just wrong for this.
This morning I tested again and got a BFN. I think for sure I am out. I should have gotten my BFP before now. It seems I am at a loss of "symptoms" as well. I am not sure what to attribute to the Prometrium or possible pregnancy. I also have noticed my bbs are not full anymore which was a huge sign for me last cycle in knowing I was not pregnant.
To tell the truth I am really bummed. Now this means DH and I will be taking a break in order to not give birth during December or January. This also means that all my friends and family member who are having kids this year will not be in the same grade as ours. That really sucks. It would have been nice to have people to be with in the pregnancy along the way but I guess I am just destined to do this alone surrounded with pregnant women and their newborns as I try. I am hurt and sad and frustrated. It isnt supposed to be this hard.
It is really hard not to lose faith in something when you feel like you have done everything right. I guess I, in general, am just wrong for this.
Saturday, 17 March 2012
BFN Confusion
This morning I woke up and tested with FMU with a FRER and got a very BFN. Now I am so confused because my temp rose AGAIN. I am so confused. My chart looks awesome but the HPTs do not. AND to make it MORE confusing I may not get my AF at the time predicted because the medication may extend my LP which would just be leading me to think I was "late". Oh well...at least today is going to be fun and will take my mind off of it. DH and I are going into town to a really nice restaurant for dinner followed by attending the hockey game. I hope there is green beer for DH, that would be fun for him!
I mean it is POSSIBLE I didnt "implant" until like three or four full days ago so my levels could still be low...I was having some really odd cramping last night which led me to believe it was possible AF cramping but nope..she is not here. Last time I got a BFP at 10DPO so I don't know what the hold up is? Perhaps it is because I implanted later then the 5/6DPO as last time in November. Either way...I'm confused.
My It-Could-All-Be-In-My-Head Symptoms:
- VERY vivid dreams last night
- Slept like a rock tell I tempted at my normal time and then found it very hard to sleep after that.
- Runny stuffy nose
- Rise in temp to a high of 98.1 (but maybe I am just getting a cold as the runny/stuff nose is there?)
- Sensitive nipps
Here is my chart for your viewing and scrutinising pleasure....
Friday, 16 March 2012
Diagnosis
Yesterday I saw the fertility specialist and was informed that I have what is called "Lutal Phase Defect and Low Producing Levels of Progesterone. Awesome. Just what every girl TTC wants to hear..."you're defective". Why do they have to make it so awful sounding? After looking at my charts and my history this is what the specialist landed on. There would be a way to know this for sure but apparently the procedure is very painful...So he recommended we just go ahead with treatment because the benefits would far outweigh any of the risks. Last night was my first dose of Prometrium. I slept like a friggin baby it was awesome, lol! Anyways...now this thing that concerns me is apparently the prometrium will give me the same symptoms of pregnancy only heightened...so I am not sure what to think about today. Are these symptoms real or just a result of the medication??? I really cannot seem to catch a break.
Today I have to sit down with my superior and inform her of some of the side affects this may carry on my work performance seeings as the medication can cause dizziness, drowsiness, mood swings
Today I am 9DPO and these are my It-Could-All-Be-In-My-Head Symptoms:
- Tender, enlarged bbs
- Gassy
- High CP
- CM is stringy/sticky/wet
- Temp it highest at this cycle hitting 97.9
- Fatigue
- Increased appetite
It is early in the morning though so we will see what follows me through the day. Tomorrow morning I test and I have a feeling it may be a little early since from my temps I am guessing IF implant happened it was probably 7DPO. Fingers crossed for some good news though!
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Crazy Day
Not a whole lot to report today. Infact, I have been so busy this morning I forgot to post! lol
Today is a short day at work because I go see the fertility specialist...to be honest...I am a little nervous. Never in my life did I think I would be having to go to a fertility specialist. That just makes me sad.
Anyways..here are my It-Could-All-Be-In-My-Head Symptoms:
- MAJOR lower backache last night.
- Sore and aching bbs & nipps. Very tender. Bbs also enlarged to a point where DH has noticed and had to sleep with a sports bra last night.
- A tiny bit of cramping but nothing so big I should really note.
- CM is dry today..or perhaps just right now...interesting..will test again later
- CP is still high
- Temp went back up (yay) today after my dip yesterday and the day before which is right on schedule for me to implant (my last time it was 6DPO)
- Slight heartburn but nothing major.
- Smelly urine...(ew)
- Heavy feeling in uterus just upon standing and first couple moments of walking
I noticed I had a lot of these same symptoms on my last cycle and that is scary...I really dont want another cycle that ends in a BFN.
Tomorrow is my last morning of waking up anticipating testing becuase Saturday morning I will test with FMU and will be 10DPO. AF is scheduled to arrive Monday/Tuesday - stay away, stay away!
Yesterday when I texted DH to say that I had a cry-fest in the bathroom he was all upset because he thought that meant I had gotten AF. Awww...poor guy. I hope to be able to give him some good news soon!
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Symptom Or AF?!
7DPO
After my emotional end to the day yesterday I went home to DH who proceeded to lift my spirits. Love that man...I feel much better today. OR perhaps I am just still numb from the shock of it all.
Before falling asleep last night I noticed that my bbs hurt so much I couldn't sleep as I normally do on either side...I had to try to fall asleep on my back. I had some pretty crazy dreams so I am not entirely sure how I slept....Anyways, I woke up this morning to the same tenderness in the bb area as well as my chest aching. Not exactly sure if this is PG related or AF related as my scheduled AF arrival is supposed to be for Monday.
I also forgot to mention in my last posts usually I run pretty dry after OV but my CM since OV has ranged from sticky to eggwhite to creamy. Very strange. I also continue to have a sore throat and stuffy nose upon waking...I just figured I was getting sick this week...but other then fatigue I feel fine.
So to wrap it all up in a nice list for you these are my It-Could-All-Be-In-My-Head Symptoms:
- Bb tenderness and aching
- Creamy CM
- Stuffy nose and sore throat upon waking
- Very hungry this morning (abnormal)
- Twinges in pelvic area just after I sit down
- Fatigue (what's new?)
- My temp is also sitting above the cover line but is the same as yesterday at 97.6. Hopefully that eggie is just burrowing in there really well and that is why my temp hasn't had its second rise yet.
Also...I should note...I am been very cautious about making sure the room has been extra dark for the last couple nights and I read in my lunaception readings that has an affect on temp as it keeps it more stable which also could account for the lack of second rise. Sleeping in complete darkness during the night is supposed to be a natural way to raise keep progesterone at a good level and I think I can get all the help in that area I need because of my short LP.
Tomorrow I am going to a fertility specialist. I am really not sure what to expect. It is my hope that I am already pregnant and it is just a precautionary visit but I want to make sure I have covered all my bases.
After my emotional end to the day yesterday I went home to DH who proceeded to lift my spirits. Love that man...I feel much better today. OR perhaps I am just still numb from the shock of it all.
Before falling asleep last night I noticed that my bbs hurt so much I couldn't sleep as I normally do on either side...I had to try to fall asleep on my back. I had some pretty crazy dreams so I am not entirely sure how I slept....Anyways, I woke up this morning to the same tenderness in the bb area as well as my chest aching. Not exactly sure if this is PG related or AF related as my scheduled AF arrival is supposed to be for Monday.
I also forgot to mention in my last posts usually I run pretty dry after OV but my CM since OV has ranged from sticky to eggwhite to creamy. Very strange. I also continue to have a sore throat and stuffy nose upon waking...I just figured I was getting sick this week...but other then fatigue I feel fine.
So to wrap it all up in a nice list for you these are my It-Could-All-Be-In-My-Head Symptoms:
- Bb tenderness and aching
- Creamy CM
- Stuffy nose and sore throat upon waking
- Very hungry this morning (abnormal)
- Twinges in pelvic area just after I sit down
- Fatigue (what's new?)
- My temp is also sitting above the cover line but is the same as yesterday at 97.6. Hopefully that eggie is just burrowing in there really well and that is why my temp hasn't had its second rise yet.
Also...I should note...I am been very cautious about making sure the room has been extra dark for the last couple nights and I read in my lunaception readings that has an affect on temp as it keeps it more stable which also could account for the lack of second rise. Sleeping in complete darkness during the night is supposed to be a natural way to raise keep progesterone at a good level and I think I can get all the help in that area I need because of my short LP.
Tomorrow I am going to a fertility specialist. I am really not sure what to expect. It is my hope that I am already pregnant and it is just a precautionary visit but I want to make sure I have covered all my bases.
I should also admit that I POAS yesterday. lol. I know, I know I was only 6DPO but I dont know...maybe I was going through POAS withdrawal or something because it seemed like a really good idea at the time. I pretty much got the BFN I was expecting. Silly me.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Letting Off Some Steam
I am ashamed to admit I just had a cry fest at work in the bathroom. Don't worry...its a private bathroom..it was only a pity party of one.
What you should know is the tears had nothing to do with TTC what so ever. It's my freaking job. Don't get me wrong, as far as jobs go this one is pretty good...the only problem is all the false promises they made to me...like a 3 month raise that never happened and then a 9 month raise ...that still has not happened. The issue I have is I turned down two other jobs to take this job with the promise of these raises and am mad at myself because the other jobs were offering me more which this company promised to match and exceed if I took THEIR offer. So much for that. I feel like such a fool and now like I am in between a rock and a hard place...and really stuck. I don't want to throw a full blown temper tantrum over what should have been rightfully mine as stated within my job offer and I think quitting and getting another job is out of the question as well. So...basically I am just having a pity party. One where I am mentally cursing out my boss in many different unladylike words.
The major problem is without this raise DH and I cannot afford the house we want. And without my raise when mat-leave comes I will be getting a lot less in payout then I should. It is like a waterfall effect. A shit waterfall that is. Fuming doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling like on the inside.
I really do not know what to do at this point. I have met and exceeded all expectations set forth....I have done my part...I've been a good employee...now I think it's time for them to be a good employer - if that even exists....
*....sigh....*
What you should know is the tears had nothing to do with TTC what so ever. It's my freaking job. Don't get me wrong, as far as jobs go this one is pretty good...the only problem is all the false promises they made to me...like a 3 month raise that never happened and then a 9 month raise ...that still has not happened. The issue I have is I turned down two other jobs to take this job with the promise of these raises and am mad at myself because the other jobs were offering me more which this company promised to match and exceed if I took THEIR offer. So much for that. I feel like such a fool and now like I am in between a rock and a hard place...and really stuck. I don't want to throw a full blown temper tantrum over what should have been rightfully mine as stated within my job offer and I think quitting and getting another job is out of the question as well. So...basically I am just having a pity party. One where I am mentally cursing out my boss in many different unladylike words.
The major problem is without this raise DH and I cannot afford the house we want. And without my raise when mat-leave comes I will be getting a lot less in payout then I should. It is like a waterfall effect. A shit waterfall that is. Fuming doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling like on the inside.
I really do not know what to do at this point. I have met and exceeded all expectations set forth....I have done my part...I've been a good employee...now I think it's time for them to be a good employer - if that even exists....
*....sigh....*
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