Singing The Blues

I let my emotions get the best of me yesterday...let me explain:

DH and I both had plans - separately. Me with my mom and him with work. All day I had been thinking about how nice it would be just to DTD for just the sake of WANTING to...not having to. After all, we BD yesterday so I wasn't worried - and it would have nothing to do with "timing". So I was all excited to get home and have a nice pre-slumber "party" with DH. Well..he was in no mood and really tired. When I approached him about it and got turned down that's when things took a nose dive. I tried not to let it bother me but it really did. Part of me is so sick of having sex become this thing we have to do when the time is right and not something when the moment hits us right. It has gotten so planned...so strategic...so ...exhausting. I was just hoping to put a little sass and less stress back in to it.
So, of course, this ends the night with me doing the dishes as DH is in bed (BAD SIGN...when I am upset...I clean) And then by the time I get to bed I am a blubbering mess trying to explain why I am acting the way I am. But by now it is too late to do anything about it and I go to bed feeling sad and upset and DH goes to bed feeling rather confused and guilty. Not good at all... And definitely not how I saw the night going in my mind early...not anything close.

Now...to be honest I am really feeling like the moment has passed. Today is one of those planned BD days and its hard to feel the excitement of it all when you know it is just sitting there over your head. This whole TTC thing really messed with my head yesterday.

But...today is a new day. The above freak out actually couldn't come at a better time as today is "M Day" - some much much MUCH needed girl talk. I will go home this evening feeling better because I will have vented to someone who knows the inside of my head and totally humors me for the psycho person that I am. Totally love that girl.

Yesterday as I was on the TTC boards I came across a quote that really struck my heart. It said:

"Today is a good day, because it is one day closer then yesterday."

So that is where I am leaving this post.

Today is a good day. Yesterday is gone, every moment is one step closer and the future holds great things.