Goodbye 2012

Today I started mourning the pure fact that I will not be having a 2012 baby.

To make matters worse I logged on to facebook yesterday and there it was. Another "yay im pregnant!". I started bawling on the spot. And then I got angry (moved through the stages of grief pretty fast hey?). I mean...this girl...who has been dating this guy for literally a couple months...and she is preggo. Apparently.....APPARENTLY I should be unwed or using a condom (another set of our friends) in order to get pregnant.. I was even further ticked when I posted a relatively heartfelt sad note on my facebook wall (which I RARELY do) and got this response (actually hold on..let me copy it word for word):

"Aw Kyla, I am sorry to hear about everything but your such a positive cheerful person so I know you'll find a way to cheer up :)"

WTF!??! Let me address a couple points here...
1. If you have no idea what I am going through (and she doesn't) you have no right to tell me to just "cheer up"
2. Why should I have to cheer up?! Can't I be angry/sad/hurt about what I am going through?!
3. If you don't have anything non-stupid to say don't say anything at all...*(ok...maybe that is a little harsh but I'm a raging hormonal female on medication at the moment and that's how I feel, lol)
4. What do you mean by "hear about everything" you are simply responding to how I feel/felt sad. Again...you have NO idea the TTC stress that has overtaken my life for the last 5 months. I literally have not spoken to this person in almost a year...if not more then that. But facebook somehow gives people the right to think they know exactly what is going on in your life and can feel free to comment with something productive like "cheer up".

The most frustrating thing is because I have to take the medication from ovulation day on for 14 days I just cant stop tracking my cycles. I HAVE to know when I ovulate in order to treat my lutal phase defect. So even though DH and I are taking a TTC break for a couple cycles I still have to track it to treat it. That is so not cool. My body just will not give me a break and let me be.  And I know it will be frustrating because I will essentially know I am ovulating but can't do a darn thing about it because of the unwanted due date timing. Last night was my first half dose of prometrium and I will be taking another half dose tonight and stopping it all together and then AF should be here shortly.
Now..lets be completely honest. If I got pregnant and was in fact due in December or early January I would NOT find that to be the end of the world. In fact a part of me considered throwing that plan out the window and just going for it regardless of what DH and I decided about due dates. But...that wouldn't be fair...especially since we had that discussion while both of us were of sound mind and we should probably stick to the decisions we came to at that time. No one loves Christmas more then I do but come on Christmas...you are totally messing with my life plans!

Another thing that sucks is I will be getting AF right before DH and I leave for the cabin this weekend....Oh joy...no running hot water for a weekend and AF on top of that. What a way to end the week.

Last night my mom and I went out for dinner to talk about my job predicament and how I should approach my boss. We get seated and I look at my mom and am like, "we have to move...he is sitting in the booth behind you". She of course thought I was joking but it was no joke. What are the chances that we pick a restaurant that my boss is it at let alone get sat at the table right beside him...!? So we move across the restaurant...FAR across the restaurant. The consensus from my mom is that I go in today lightly and mention my circumstances and if I get nowhere then go back in with the very long, very detailed, very no -questions-about-it letter I wrote yesterday. I hope it goes well and I do not have to get to the point where I am handing over the letter because I REALLY do NOT want to feel forced to find another job.

Why cant life hand me one stressful situation at a time? I very much disagree with the well known quote "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" as a motivational line because sometimes that punch to the jugular leaves you immobile for quite some time before you can heal and even become remotely strong again.